


Selfishness and Selflesness walk together

by Prika



Category: Social Network (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-21 09:21:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prika/pseuds/Prika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't you think it's fucking ironic that you actually took the dog while I've chosen the cat?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eduardo

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Social Network doesn’t belong to me
> 
> Author’s note: English is not my first language, but I tried my best!  
> This fic was inspired by the song “Trapped by love”, by Manu Chao!  
> Next chapter will be from Mark's POV

_When you come I'm feeling better_  
Sky is blue you said forever  
ooh ooh, I've been trapped by love  
Then you go so change the weather  
Sky is grey bit more than ever  
  
ooh ooh   
I've been trapped by love   
I've been trapped by love   
I've been trapped by love   
I've been trapped by love...   
  
So my beer now taste so bitter  
But i can't find anything sweeter  
ooh ooh, I've been trapped by love   
Then you come and I feel better  
See my eyes they're full of water  
then again you go so change the weather  
  
Asking for the next together  
I've been trapped by love   
I've been trapped by love   
I've been trapped by love   
I've been trapped by love...   
  
 _When you come I'm feeling better_  
Sky is blue you said forever  
ooh ooh, I've been trapped by love  
Then you come and I feel better  
See my eyes they're full of water  
Then again you go so change the weather  
  
Asking for the next together  
Asking for the next together  
  
I've been trapped by love   
I've been trapped by love   
I've been trapped by love   
I've been trapped by Love

 

Trapped by Love (Manu Chao)

Part I - Eduardo

 

Eduardo has always been fascinated by the weather. It doesn’t take storms or hurricanes, though he can’t deny that, as catastrophic as it is, he can’t help being enchanted by the wildness of those. But even the most ordinary phenomenon, such as the sunrise (especially the few, precious minutes when the Earth has rotated just so that one can see both the mixed, bright colors of the early daylight and the remains of darkness), is enough to make him breathless for a few moments.

 

The weather means so much to him that all of his significant memories are attached to it. Everything in his life comes associated with either a bright sun, or snowy streets, rainy days, a cloudy sky and so on.

 

He knows it’s silly, maybe even narcissistic, but he likes to pretend that the weather accompanies his state of mind. And sometimes, he imagines the weather being connected to the whole humanity’s state of mind (and no, he’s not referring to man’s stupidity leading to global warming). And this is easier to believe.

 

Well, he is part of humanity. So there’s a chance his small game has some truth to it.

 

Anyway.

 

The day he met Mark was one of those where indecision appears to be spread all over the skies and the air around them. For days there had been no sun, no rain. The clouds looked stuck in their places, covering everything, not having moved a bit. There was snow and the air was heavy, static.

 

Eduardo knew what this kind of weather meant. It meant that soon the winds of change would come. The winds of change always came, carrying all the indecision away, leaving them with either a cold sun or a raging storm.

 

He’d met Dustin first. Dustin’s honesty and his easygoing way had drawn Eduardo close to him. Eduardo was the kind of person that is always trying to please people. He often wondered if his father played a role on this, but Eduardo refused to hold him responsible. His father came up several times during his therapy sessions, though.

 

On the other hand, Dustin was the kind of guy with whom Eduardo didn’t need to set personal limits. Dustin’s manners let him at ease, let him be. They were still getting to know each other, but far enough in their friendship for Dustin to feel comfortable asking Eduardo to study with him in his room.

 

“And you’ll get to know my roommates, one is worse than the other”,  he’d added with a smirk that showed more fondness than anything.

 

Eduardo eagerly agreed. He’d been hoping for this kind of intimacy for some time now. He had made acquaintances during his freshman year, but not any friends. His relation with Dustin was flowing in a way that made Eduardo feel accepted for the first time in his life, and he looked forward to deepen their interaction. He looked forward to feel like he belonged somewhere.

 

It was the week of their exams. This fact made Eduardo sort of terrified, because he knew Dustin enough to know that there was going to be lots of talking before they actually got to study, if they ever did. Really, didn’t people notice Dustin was a genius that didn’t require much studying to achieve the grades he did?

 

Chris was the one to open the door for him He’d welcomed him with a smile that had indeed made Eduardo feel so.

 

Dustin, to Eduardo’s surprise, actually had a book opened on his lap and looked entranced by the reading. Chris had to call him twice before he snapped out of it.

 

“Wardo! Thanks for coming. I’ve started because you know, have to catch up with two months of not reading a damn thing…”

 

Eduardo smiled and took a seat, reaching in his bag for his own things. Only when he had his notes spread all over his knees, he noticed there was someone else in the room.

 

The kid had his back turned to them. He was sitting on the floor with a laptop on his lap and was typing furiously. Eduardo could only see light, curly hair and a giant hoodie covering the kid’s frame.

 

Dustin smirked when he noticed Eduardo was staring.

 

“Never mind him, he’s like this with everyone”, he casually informed Eduardo, before standing up and poking the kid on his back. The kid flinched, looking up at Dustin with a murderous glare.

 

“Hey Mark, don’t be rude. This is Eduardo.”

 

So the kid, Mark, turned to him, and Eduardo was suddenly fixed by icy blue eyes, that reminded him of those strange days where there’s not even one cloud in the sky and yet it’s so cold you can’t help but reaching for sunny spots all the time.

 

“Hi”, Eduardo said somewhat hesitant, and Mark’s response was a small nod of his head. Dustin rolled his eyes and elbowed Mark, earning another glare, and soon everyone went back to their business.

 

At some point, Mark stood up, stretching himself and turning to them.

 

“We’re out of Redbull. I’m going to get it”, he announced

 

“And beer! We’re almost out of it too”, Dustin pointed and Mark nodded, turning to Eduardo

 

“Want some too?”

 

“Sure”

 

“Ok then”, Mark said already heading to the door.

 

Only it was snowing outside, and he was wearing shorts. And flip flops. Ok, there were socks also, but flip flops in the snow!

 

“Wait! It’s snowing”

 

“Yeah, we have windows”, came the quick, sharp answer, and Eduardo was so startled he went speechless for a moment. But Mark was still looking at him, not a malicious look, more an amused one. That’s when Eduardo found out Mark was a smartass.

 

“Well, you’ll freeze in these clothes”, he shrugged

 

At this, Dustin laughed

 

“Mark’s a robot, he doesn’t experience cold as we do”

 

Mark tried to glare but what came was actually a smirk

 

“Well, I’m always so cold”, Eduardo added, “Must be the brazilian blood”

 

And he was caught by surprise when Mark threw his head back and laughed at this. Eduardo didn’t know why, but he felt strangely proud for being the one to cause it. He instantly decided he had to do it again and again.

 

“Dustin told me you are from São Paulo”

 

“Yeah, no beaches. A shame”

 

“I don’t really care for beaches”, Mark shrugged, and Eduardo thought, _I can see that,_ what with the kid being too pale for his own good. He didn’t voice it, not knowing if Mark would be offended.

 

“But Wardo, you’ve been to Copacabana beach, right?”, Dusting asked with dreamy eyes

 

Eduardo found himself engaged in a conversation about Rio with Dustin and Mark had waved at them to go grab the drinks. When he came back, he silently handed Eduardo a beer and sat back on the floor with his computer and a Redbull.

 

That night, Eduardo learned some things, aside from Economy: he learned Dustin was able to immerse himself deeply in his studies (even if he waited until the last minute to do it). He learned that whatever Mark was doing, his level of concentration was unique (really, when Eduardo had let a giant book fall on the floor, Mark had only flinched without looking away from the screen, while Dustin had jumped from his seat, looking at him with huge eyes). He learned that Mark consumed way too caffeine for his own well being. And he learned that Dustin could fall asleep at a decent hour even with a terrible exam the next day, as he found out when he heard snores beside him.

 

He and Mark seemed to realize what had happened at the same time. They looked at each other and Mark smirked,

 

“You can wake him. He still has to study, right?”

 

“No, no need to. He’s finished for tomorrow. Plus, he was tired.”

 

Eduardo smiled at Dustin, who had stretched himself all over the couch, and stood up to take the books from his lap and try to maneuver him so he was more comfortable. He felt Mark’s eyes on him while he did that. When he was finished, Dustin had all of his limbs on the couch instead of hanging out of it. Then Eduardo moved to gather his own things.

 

“You can stay if you want. It’s late.”

 

When Eduardo turned to look at Mark, his eyes were already back to the screen.

 

“Thanks, but I guess I’ll go”, Eduardo threw his bag over his shoulder

 

“Ok, bye then”

 

“Good night!”, he waved with a smile

 

Mark nodded and Eduardo left.

 

That night, the wind finally came to move things. It came with the kind of strength that made windows tremble, producing howling sounds that resembled wolfs crying somewhere. Eduardo loved every minute of it. It didn’t scare him, the winds of change. He had been waiting for it.

 

After the weeks of exams passed, he started spending more and more time in Dustin’s dorm. They played, drank, talked and made fun of each other. Dustin seemed happy to see Eduardo was getting along with his friends. Chris made it easy, being an attentive, kind person, not electric as Dustin, he was the thoughtful, calm one. And Mark’s sharp tongue, as Eduardo came to realize, was directed to everyone. It was part of his nature. But it was also a sort of defensive mechanism, Eduardo believed.

 

Mark wasn’t only sarcasm, though. Sometimes, he would put his barriers down and let himself have a good time with his friends, engaging in talks about either important or unimportant things (and really, even when he talked about nonsense his comments were smart), watching a movie without criticizing it all the time, competing over a game with the same intensity he did with coding. Eduardo particularly enjoyed it when Mark laughed (he became all dimples), looking completely relaxed and at ease.

 

The first time they went out, Eduardo made some more discoveries. He found out the when Dustin said “Let’s go to a bar”, he actually meant “Let’s pick up girls”. Eduardo also learned that Chris silent agreement meant “Let’s pick boys”. When he first saw Mark rolling his eyes but accompanying them anyway, he was confused. Then he watched Mark gulping his beer while making a terrible face, and really, he had never seen Mark drink so much, he usually preferred sugary drinks. He looked miserable. Then, Eduardo realized Mark hated the noise and hated the crowd.

 

He was probably here for the same reason as Eduardo: to hang out with his friends.

 

Now that was news. He would never have guessed Mark went out of his way for anyone. Later, he would get used to just asking Mark if he wanted to leave, while Chris and Dustin got lucky somewhere else.

 

For now, though, Eduardo sat there, watching Dustin’s obvious attempts at flirting and Chris’s more discrete ones. Mark rolled his eyes all the time, made bitter comments about the awful music and only became able to interact with anyone after his third beer.

 

In the end, Chris was successful, Dustin came back to them with puppy eyes and the three of them left with Mark between them and having to be practically carried.

 

Thinking about it now, it was all sort of hilarious.

 

Then, on a Friday night, when Eduardo was getting ready to bed (really early, he was exhausted), a frowning Mark holding a laptop to his chest showed up on his door. 

 

“Can I stay here for tonight? Chris and Dustin are having a party at our room and I have a project to finish”, he quickly asked

 

“Sure”, Eduardo said, gesturing for Mark to come in.

 

“But a party? I recall they mentioned five or six people”

 

“Yeah, loud music, loud voices. A party.”, Mark said, sounding truly annoyed. Eduardo pressed his lips, suppressing a laugh, and offered his desk for Mark, who thanked him before placing his computer on it and sitting to get started with whatever it was he was doing.

 

For the first time, it was only Mark and him. Eduardo still didn’t feel completely at ease, but he was going to give it a try.

 

“So, homework on a Friday night?”

 

Mark, or rather, Mark’s back, shrugged at him.

 

“It’s not homework. It’s my own project”

 

“No shit! What is it?”

 

It took almost a minute for Mark to speak again. When he did, he abruptly stopped typing, as if he’d only realized someone had asked him something, and turned to Eduardo,

 

“Oh, it’s not a big deal, just a game app”

 

“Wow…”, Eduardo said truly impressed, but Mark’s attention was back to his coding.

 

Eduardo had this uncontrollable habit when it came to friendship. He always experienced a terrible urge to please a possible friend, and before he accomplished that, he couldn’t be convinced the person liked him. Actually, even after the accomplishment, his insecurities remained, so that his fixation with pleasing was endless.

 

But right now, at twenty years old, he wasn’t completely aware this was an issue.

 

And Mark wasn’t letting Eduardo properly please him.

 

What was wrong? Was he being boring? Had Mark come exclusively to work?

 

For a moment, Eduardo imagined maybe they were friends, that Mark as completely ok with just being there in comfortable silence, not needing Eduardo to do anything in particular.

 

Now, that thought was pretty unrealistic to Eduardo’s mind.

 

So, despite of being tired, he sat on the couch watching the weather channel while Mark worked, completely oblivious of his surroundings. Just in case.

 

Eduardo woke up a couple of hours later with the sound of a closing door. He blinked a few times before his vision focused on Mark, who was standing with a couple of cans on his hand.

 

“Sorry I woke you, I went to grab Redbull.”

 

“No problem”, Eduardo said through a yawn.

 

“You should go to bed.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yeah, I won’t be finished any time soon”, Mark informed him, already back to the desk and sipping his drink.

 

“You shouldn’t be stuffing yourself with caffeine at this hour”, Eduardo commented, but Mark was already wired in and didn’t hear him. He went to his room.

 

Eduardo woke up in the middle of the Saturday morning and the first thing he did, as was his habit, was opening the curtains to take a look at the weather outside. The sky was a pale blue and people were wearing thick coats. He usually went to see his parents on weekends, but they were traveling and Eduardo looked forward to having some time for himself. He decided to start the day with a long walk through the campus.

 

When he stepped out of his room, there was Mark sleeping on the coach. Eduardo had not anticipated he would sleep over. He’d curled himself into a tight ball, because it was freezing and there were no covers. Eduardo ran to his room, grabbed a thick cover and threw it over Mark.

 

While taking his shower, Eduardo decided he’d leave Mark a note with his number, in case he wanted to join him in his walk.

 

He was halfway through breakfast when his phone ringed. Apparently, Mark had not slept in, as Eduardo imagined. He met Eduardo at the cafeteria and they ate in silence, as Mark blinked the sleepiness out of his eyes.

 

Eduardo told him to call Chris and Dustin, but they were off to see their families. Mark shoved his hands into his pockets, Eduardo didn’t comment anything about his clothes this time, and they stepped outside. 

 

At first, Eduardo felt the familiar urge to just say something bothering him, and it was enhanced by Mark’s usual quietness. Maybe he’d had a nice rest, or maybe the fresh air was exactly what he needed, but soon he found himself enjoying the sight of snowy trees, and the nice rhythm of their walk, that kept them warm. He even found he enjoyed sharing all this in silence.

 

At some point they had started talking. He’d asked Mark about his project and watched as passion instantly took over Mark’s eyes as he explained what he was working on. This way, Eduardo learned that Mark had once refused to sell Microsoft an mp3 app he had developed, simply because he thought it wasn’t a _big deal._ It wasn’t the kind of thing he wished to be recognized for. So, Mark was still waiting for the big idea, the one that would demand hell from him, his masterpiece.

 

Eduardo was certainly impressed by what he learned. But what truly impacted him wasn’t what Mark had accomplished. It was more of _how_ he accomplished it. It was his love for what he did.

 

It was strange to Eduardo.

 

It’s not that he didn’t like Economy. He did, and most of all, he was really good with what he did.

 

But really, he didn’t go to bed thinking about it. He didn’t breathe Economy. It didn’t inspire him.

 

He enjoyed the classes; he even had some brilliant ideas when he was writing an essay. Maybe he wasn’t putting all of himself into it…

 

His face had probably let his wonderings show, because Mark was asking him what was wrong.

 

“Nothing wrong! It’s just… I think it’s awesome that you found your gift.”

 

Mark had watched him in silence for a moment, before asking,

 

“Why did you choose Economy?”

 

Eduardo managed to produce an answer that involved the world’s future, the fun of calculating and his father. Mark had narrowed his eyes and shrugged in a way that made Eduardo feel bad, as if he’d said something wrong.

 

Then Mark looked up at him with a blank face and said,

 

“These reasons suck”

 

Eduardo laughed so hard his stomach hurt. Mark also smiled, though it didn’t look like he truly found it funny.

 

Eduardo thought Mark was absolutely right, which wasn’t a big surprise, because at that time, he had the tendency to see Mark as the owner of the truth. It took him years (including a lawsuit) to think differently.

 

Somehow, during their talk, they had gotten to college related subjects, discussing which extra activities they considered interesting and which they believed that sucked. From there, they had reached the final clubs topic.

 

When Mark revealed his wish of becoming a part of one of those clubs, Eduardo got the feeling he was being let into something very personal, very fragile. Maybe it came from the way Mark had avoided eye contact when he said it, the way his tone would have sounded casual if Eduardo wasn’t paying close attention.

 

During his freshman year, Eduardo had wanted the same thing. He dreamed of the day he would get punched, and then he would finally meet people, belong to a group and feel special, somehow.

 

Wasn’t that the reason why anyone would like to join these clubs?

 

In his second year, though, he’d met Dustin, and Chris, and Mark. And now that Eduardo thought of it, the idea of final clubs had ceased to be a fixation of his.

 

Now, he would never in a lifetime have guessed that Mark of all people would want this.

 

He thought things like _you never act like you need anyone’s approval,_ and, _you’re brilliant, you don’t need them._

He would never have voiced any of this, though, for Eduardo had this virtue of sensing when something was delicate territory to someone, and you had to be extra careful with what you said.

 

Instead, he confessed,

 

“I think your chances are big”

 

And Mark had turned to him, scrutinizing his face, probably for traces of mockery.

 

After a while, he let out a small smile.

 

As the months went by, Eduardo spent as much time in the three boy’s dorm as he did in his own. Sleeping over (or rather, not sleeping) became a regular thing, when they had a WII marathon, watched a trilogy or just studied for tests until it was late (or early) enough that Eduardo just dozed off on the couch. Sometimes, the four of them would end spreading themselves over the floor and that’s where they woke up next morning.

 

One night, Eduardo and Chris were playing chess and Dustin was watching them, trying very hard not to intrude _again_ with _you should do/have done this or that_ , and Mark was in his room. Eduardo asked if he was working on something, to which Chris had shrugged, stating that Mark usually locked himself when he coded.

 

Mark’s door was slightly ajar, though.

 

Once the chess play was over, Eduardo leaned over Mark’s door, risking a glance inside. Mark was indeed working, not noticing Eduardo’s presence. Eduardo let a small smile appear on his face, before turning to leave.

 

“Come in, if you want.”

 

Eduardo came in and tried to find out what Mark was working on. Soon, he saw Mark had not called him to talk. But something about Mark’s tone, something about his body language, told Eduardo he wasn’t being dismissed.

 

So he made himself comfortable on Mark’s bed with a book. They went the whole night like this.

 

It became routine.

 

It was something they slowly came to share; this companionable silence where each could mind their own stuff, knowing the other was there.

 

It’s not that he didn’t have it with the others. It was just that, with Mark, for some reason, it had developed further. Maybe it was a consequence of Mark’s way of interacting with people, the way he wasn’t of many words when it came to personal issues, the way he’d act as if he didn’t need anything from anyone. The way he sometimes immersed himself so deeply into his creations that he seemed completely lost to the real world. So, Eduardo felt the need to just be there.

 

So, Eduardo would try to put his needs for reassurance aside and appreciate the moments, and it made him experience a nice, warm feeling. And when the morning came and Mark stretched his arms and called him to see his work (knowing Eduardo wouldn’t understand a bit, but would carefully listen), asked about his reading, or just threw himself on his bed not caring Eduardo was on it, Eduardo knew Mark appreciated it too.

 

They were under the first rays of sunlight when Eduardo realized he was looking at Mark in a different way.

 

They had gone out, because the end of the semester was getting closer and Dustin decided they should start celebrating, even if there were still their final exams left. A single weekend wouldn’t hurt anyway, as they still had at least a month until then. They had not even planned anything much different than the usual (a loud place where one can’t hear his own thoughts, let alone someone else), except Dustin had decided that it was time for Mark to get laid.

 

Eduardo was thankful for not being the object of Dustin’s plan, having no idea how this could end well. Especially since the actual object was Mark. Dustin didn’t pick up (too much) on Eduardo about it, though, because Eduardo did his flirts now and then, and occasionally, when he got lucky, he’d leave with an apologetic look at Mark, who would stare at him with a raised eyebrow, as if he had no clue as to why Eduardo was sorry for. It’s not like he was going to be left alone, because really, what were the chances of the three of them getting someone in a single night? All right, it happened sometimes, but even so, this was how things worked, right?

 

But Mark never hooked up with anyone. Eduardo knew that when the three of them left, Mark either ended engaged in a talk with someone (‘but no one ever keeps up with me’, he’d bitch the next day, and they knew it was because a drunk Mark thought at the speed of light), or he just left, looking relieved.

 

As much as Dustin claimed Mark was asexual, though, Eduardo knew better. He’d seen Mark staring at people during entire nights. His looks were furtive, but Eduardo was paying attention, as usual. So, he’d caught Mark staring at girls. Once or twice, Eduardo didn’t know if he was imagining things, but he’d seen Mark staring at boys. It’s not like he was more discrete when it came to boys; Eduardo knew it was just himself finding it hard to believe. Maybe he liked the idea. Maybe he didn’t want to be deceived. But those were subconscious thoughts.

 

Back to the day they went out. Dustin had a friend which in his words was ‘a small freak, like you, Mark’. During the whole time during which Dustin talked about it, Mark wasn’t even listening. He nodded now and then, which was his whole attitude when he was doing something and didn’t wish to be bothered. But on the day before, he’d turned to Dustin and, matter of factly, informed,

 

“Forget it” 

 

“But man, I’ve been settling this for weeks now, talking about you, doing my best to skip the part where you’re an ass! The girl is ready for you!”

 

“The girl is not a bath that can be prepared for someone, Dustin”, Chris had stated, because he was all about human rights, and Dustin had glared, meaning, _you’re not helping!_

Then he’d sent a pleading look at Mark.

 

“She’s your friend. What if she ends hating me, and then you?”

 

Dustin stared at him openmouthed and even Chris looked a little taken back, before he asked,

 

“Why would she hate you?”

 

“Most girls usually do”, Mark had shrugged, going back to typing, but he wasn’t successful in faking casual. There was a bitterness to his tone that made Eduardo instantly intervene,

 

“This is not true, Mark. You rarely even try meeting someone.”

 

Mark rolled his eyes,

 

“Exactly. They hate me without me even trying”

 

From there, through Dustin’s claiming that this girl would like him, Chris advices of not mocking her and Eduardo’s encouragement that he would never be successful without trying, they had managed to convince him.

 

As much as Mark tried to act as if this wasn’t a big deal, the way he’d gulped three beers as soon as he was there had denounced him. Eduardo felt protective; he didn’t like watching Mark being insecure, even if he knew it was a good sign. It could make him learn something.

 

For once, Chris and Dustin were stuck to their seats instead of dancing their asses off or flirting somewhere, simply because the sight of Mark completely getting along with the girl was enough entertainment. Even Eduardo admitted it was sort of an unexpected view. Mark’s face wasn’t revealing any sarcasm, nor were his eyes wondering through the place as if he’d rather be anywhere else. Instead, his attention was placed on the girl as she talked and he was…

 

Smiling?

 

There it was, dimples and all and _oh God,_ the girl looked delighted, but then again, _who wouldn’t_.

 

Mark rarely smiled. That’s why he’d thought that, Eduardo told himself.

 

And suddenly, Mark was helping her to her feet and pulling her towards the dancing floor.

 

Dustin stood up on instinct. Chris pulled him back.

 

The first dance was ok. It wasn’t the slow kind, so they didn’t have to be pressed against each other and all. During the second one, also a fast rhythm, Mark had left to get him and the girl yet another drink. The girl had refused it and Mark had drunk both.

 

When a slower music started, Mark had reached for the girl, encircling her waist. From the bright look in her eyes, she was enjoying it.

 

Until he started to lose balance.

 

The three of them noticed it the first time it happened, even if Mark had made it look like he’d moved his arms to the girl’s shoulders because he wanted and not because he needed to regain balance. The second time, though, he stepped on her foot. He apologized, felt dizzy, grabbed her arm for support and stepped on her foot again. He looked as if he could throw up at any minute.

 

Before she had time to react, Eduardo was there, arms firmly around Mark’s waist.

 

“I’m sorry for him. I’ll take him outside for fresh air, if you’ll excuse us.”

 

As they walked out of the bar, Mark _giggled,_ leaning his weight on Eduardo, who was making sure he didn’t fall while wondering what he was going to do with a foolish Mark.

 

“Wardo! What are you doing? Where are you taking me? I was almost…”

 

He stopped suddenly, going terribly pale, leaning down with hands on his knees. Eduardo thought he was going to throw up, but that didn’t happen. A pale hand weakly grabbed his arm and Eduardo looked around for a place where he could sit with Mark until he recovered. He spotted a bus station and decided it would have to do.

 

Judging from the diminished darkness of the sky, it was probably four in the morning, not much later, and God, it was freezing outside. As soon as he sat down, Mark leaned his head on Eduardo’s shoulder, and Eduardo kept an arm around his shoulders for support. He could feel Mark shivering and sweating from all that alcohol, and when a gelid breeze swept through them, he tightened his arm around Mark.

 

Eduardo couldn’t tell how much time they stayed like this, waiting. Through his palm on Mark’s back, Eduardo could feel Mark’s breathing becoming softer, no longer troubled as before.

 

The strong feeling growing in his chest was ignored. Eduardo was worried about Mark now.

 

When Mark finally lifted his head, there was a slight brightness to the sky. Eduardo studied his face. It was still pale, but it didn’t look as if Mark could faint anymore.

 

“Why did you do it?”, he quietly asked

 

Mark shrugged.

 

“So that’s why you don’t mix vodka with beer”

 

“Mark, you were doing well!”

 

“Nope. The alcohol was doing the job”

 

“She liked you!”

 

“Yeah, because she had pre-conceived ideas of me!”

 

“What?”

 

“This whole situation is ridiculous, all right? When people meet with the exclusive purpose of getting together, it can’t result in anything but fakeness! They are supposed to make the other like them and it’s so artificial it’s disgusting!”

 

 Mark bowed his head and thankfully couldn’t see the shock in Eduardo’s face. Of  course Mark wouldn’t just accept the social awkwardness (Eduardo agreed) of a settled date. He softened his voice to speak.

 

“You might have a point. But this is human behavior, Mark. People try to get other people to like them. Even if it starts with some faking, no one can fake forever. Besides, there are exceptions. How can you tell for sure she was faking?”

 

“She was all friendly within the first few minutes. She didn’t even know me and already she was telling me about her life, asking about mine”

 

“Maybe she felt comfortable acting like this. Maybe it’s her nature that’s different from yours”

 

Mark nodded slightly with his head still bowed. Eduardo knew it was the alcohol making him docile; otherwise they would never be having this talk, let alone with Mark easily agreeing with him.

 

Then something occurred to him.

 

“Well, I was instantly friendly with you!”

 

Mark rolled his eyes.

 

“You weren’t trying to get into my pants”

 

Eduardo chuckled,

 

“Mark! That was not the girl’s purpose, ok? She met you because Dustin told her you two could fit together! And that… That wasn’t your purpose, either”

 

Mark looked up at him, his face unreadable. After a while, though, his features softened. As if he had just acknowledged that Eduardo could see right through him and didn’t wish to fight it.

 

And suddenly, Eduardo found he was being drawn by the way Mark looked at him with such openness, to the point that…

 

He wanted more of it. He just wanted to go deeper into Mark, so that whenever he looked into his eyes, the barriers would be down, because Mark would know there was no reason to hide away. He wanted Mark to open up to him in ways he had never done to anyone else, and wanted to do the same for Mark.

 

What startled him for real was the realization that he’d been suppressing this need for a long time.

 

And now, now that he was hit by this powerful awareness, it was very hard not to be awfully conscious of Mark’s presence, the heat of his body pressed to Eduardo’s, the contour of his lips, the liquid blue of his eyes, and Eduardo found himself intoxicated by it,

 

And _fuck, what was he going to make of this?_

The sickness had probably threatened to come up again, because Mark leaned his head back on Eduardo’s shoulder. Eduardo swallowed and put a reassuring hand on Mark’s back. On the horizon, they could see the mix of orange and pink that announced the sunrise.

 

“You should go back there and try without the alcohol”, he said after a while

 

“She probably left by now”, Mark mumbled against his shoulder

 

“I doubt it”, he almost whispered. He didn’t know if Mark had heard him. But when he felt a little better, he stood up and they went back the bar.

 

Things didn’t go any further with this girl. A month later, however, Mark tried talking to another girl in a party, without too much alcohol this time. That’s how he started dating Erica.

 

What made it easy to hide it was the fact that Eduardo was a caring person by nature. Besides, he tried his best not to act differently, because the last thing he wanted to was to grow distant from Mark.

 

Of course the small physical contacts that were a regular thing between them, like when Eduardo put his arm around Mark’s shoulder, or when Mark would mess his hair just to tease him, became harder to Eduardo. But he didn’t want this to stop. He didn’t want to lose anything he had built with Mark.

 

The truth, however, was that Eduardo was _fucking terrified_ of his feelings.

 

For the first time, he found out that being _in love_ (because there was no excusing it) with someone meant directing some of the _most selfish, greedy parts of the human being_ towards this person. And Mark was, first of all, his friend. He didn’t want to intoxicate their friendship with his neediness.

 

For instance; he really, really had no wish of being jealous. But _fuck_ if he wasn’t. He was so horribly jealous of Erica that he didn’t know how he got away without being noticed. At least not by Mark; Chris and Dustin were another story. They knew it, but not because Eduardo had done anything about his jealousy; he’d never do that. They had just noticed the way he talked about Mark, the name leaving his lips a little too frequently, and with undeniable adoration. Or maybe it was the way sadness took over his features after he said it, even if his smiled remained in place.

 

Dustin had confronted him one day, after Eduardo gave up going out when Mark had texted them saying he wasn’t coming because he was going out with Erica. Eduardo planned on going back to his dorm to catch up with his studies and being miserable by himself, but Dustin cornered him.

 

“Are you sure you are not coming, Wardo?”, he asked with an arm thrown around his shoulder. Eduardo gave him a questioning look.

 

Dustin gave him the same look back. Eduardo lowered his gaze.

 

“I… I’d rather be alone now.”

 

“Come on, man. Talk to me. I know something’s going on”

 

Eduardo ended telling him, because he knew Dustin wasn’t the kind of person that would be disgusted. Plus, he really, really needed to get it out of his chest. It turned out Dustin was surprised, but according to him, Chris suspected it. Both were incredibly supportive and Eduardo was filled with gratitude.

 

The funny thing was, Erica had brought them even closer. First, because during their relationship, the one Mark looked for when he had screwed up was Eduardo. And then, after they broke up, Eduardo was the one to pick up the pieces.

 

With Erica, Mark had indeed screwed up to the point that it ended costing him someone he cared for. Eduardo couldn’t tell if he had loved her. Mark had certainly been _in love,_ which is another story.

 

But at least, he could have learned something. He could have learned that when you mistreat people, they may leave you.

 

He had not learned a thing, Eduardo knew better than anyone.

 

Anyway, Mark had been too self-absorbed to notice that Erica was fed up with him. Really, Eduardo lost count of how many times Mark had complained about another fight with her because he had done something like spending all night coding during what was supposed to be a date.

 

“She asked me to come over, but said she had no plans. I figured it would be ok to do some work and ended losing track of time. Is that so bad?”, he’d said with some exasperation, and Eduardo was forced to explain something that should have been _obvious,_ like, _when you forget that your date is with you, she won’t be pleased,_ to which Mark had replied some absurd like _you never get mad at me because I spent all night coding,_ and Eduardo nearly choked, before he managed through his teeth, _I’m not your date,_ only to have Mark not sounding convinced, so that Eduardo had rolled his eyes and added, _even so, if you asked me to come over only to ignore me, I’d be mad, but that’s not what happens, I just stay because I want to._

Mark had widened his eyes for an instant, before narrowing them, studying Eduardo, who felt disturbingly naked under that gaze. Then he’d shrugged,

 

“So, you empathize with her”

 

And yes, Eduardo did. He was surprised with himself.

 

Besides, since this conversation, Mark had started acting weird, like, when Eduardo was in his room, he would stop coding out of nowhere, stand up, get beer, hand one to Eduardo and drink with him in silence, before shooting him one last glance and returning to his laptop. So perhaps he’d learned something, after all.

 

Anyway, all the worries about his feelings getting in the way of his friendship with Mark had vanished the minute he put his eyes on him after the breakup. Because any chances that Eduardo would be happy about it were completely outweighed by the fact that he _hated_ seeing Mark like this. It didn’t matter that he was suffering for someone else; Eduardo couldn’t stand it. He had ran to his side the instant he found out, had managed not to do something stupid when Mark had let out _I need you_ (ok, maybe giving him the algorithms had been stupid) and had taken him to bed after he’d had enough of blogging, beer and Facesmash, before he drunk himself into a coma.

 

A few days later, Mark had shocked Eduardo by willingly sharing with him the fight that had leaded to the breakup. By the time Mark was finished, Eduardo was horrified. From what he had gathered, Mark _did_ have a slight notion that he had overreacted to say the least, even if his ego was also hurt. Whatever he felt for Erica, his pride was getting in the way.

 

It was weird; time went by without Mark doing anything to change it, except for approaching her and _not_ saying he was sorry, which was even weirder.

 

At first, the idea of Facebook had looked to Eduardo as a distraction, just as Facesmash, before he realized what it meant to Mark.

 

It was exactly what he was looking for. If it did a thing to boost his ego too, well, it was a side-effect. A side-effect that put Mark under the illusion that he could do whatever he wanted to.

 

Like kicking Eduardo out as if he was garbage.

 

Back to the beginnings of Facebook. When Eduardo thought of Mark choosing _him_ to share his masterpiece, when he thought Mark _trusted_ him to make it work, he was instantly filled by a big wave of joy.

 

That’s why it had hurt so impossibly much when Mark had stopped trusting him.

 

If Eduardo already saw Mark as single minded, he knew nothing. He could only watch in awe as Mark spent literally a day typing without as much as blinking, the electricity not leaving him for a second. He’d only leave his spot at the desk to collapse on the nearest place, be it bed or coach.

 

As soon as he was finished, Mark would run to Eduardo to show his progress. If Eduardo wasn’t around or in Mark’s dorm, he would text him: _where are you? You have to see this._ As if Eduardo wasn’t allowed to leave or something.

 

Sometimes, Mark had worked until the morning came but was still electric, pieces of coding flowing through his mind, so he’d wake Eduardo to talk to him, and Eduardo would speak in a smooth voice, but he’d mostly listen, until Mark was too exhausted to even think and would finally sleep. And maybe he could blame it on Mark’s sleepiness, but there was something strange in the way Mark looked at him, his eyes sort of dreamy, and so intently fixed on him. Eduardo probably blushed all the time, and if Mark didn’t notice, it was because he was really tired.

 

It wasn’t uncommon for Mark to suffer from awful headaches after he had overdone it with coding. There was this time when he had thrown himself in the bed and was so still he could be sleeping, only his lips were tightly pressed, and when Eduardo saw him he went to his side, asking what was wrong, and Mark had mumbled _headache._ Without thinking, Eduardo reached out and pressed his palm to Mark’s forehead, in a soothing gesture, but when he went to remove it, Mark said in a pained voice, _leave it._ Eduardo frowned, but Mark opened his eyes and explained, _your hand is so cool,_ and so Eduardo sat by his side, keeping his hand there, holding his breath. After a while, he tried stroking Mark’s forehead with his thumb, very softly and Mark sighed. Eduardo swallowed, feeling his throat dry, and kept stroking, and after a while he asked, _is it better?_ Mark nodded, _a little, would you get me pills?_ Eduardo stood up, very aware of Mark’s eyes on him, and came back with the meds and a glass of water. Mark nodded his thanks, took the pills and placed the glass on the bedside table, before shooting Eduardo a quick look and mumbling a _goodnight then, Wardo._

Ok, Eduardo was confused. If that had not been an awkward moment, he didn’t know what it was.

 

But Mark had been acting awkward. Eduardo didn’t know if they were growing closer or apart. One would still wait for the other in front of his dorm; they still picked each other at classes, so that most of their free time they were together. Since Mark’s workaholic nature was getting worse each day, Eduardo wasn’t always around when Mark decided it was time for a code binge. He still had a social life, mostly with Chris and Dustin, and the three of them tried going out several times in hope that Mark would follow, which obviously never happened. And then, when Eduardo finally stopped by to check on Mark, Mark would stop and give him this funny look, something that sounded to him like _finally, huh?_

 

Plus, there was the fact that Mark only took a break when Eduardo asked him to. Well, not always, but still, if Eduardo insisted enough, or if Mark had had enough of skipping meals and hours of sleep, there would be a break. Chris was the one to point that Eduardo was the only one capable of dragging Mark away from his goddamn laptop, and Eduardo felt a blush instantly making his face hot, Dustin had laughed his ass off and Mark just sulked. _I’m just more persuasive,_ Eduardo had stated, and he really believed it, but Chris had looked at him as if he were dumb while Dustin argued there was no one more persuasive than himself ( _he’s insufferable,_ Mark had agreed), that Mark loved Eduardo more. Mark had turned and left and Eduardo saw that Chris noticed his foolish smile and cursed something in Portuguese before going after Mark. 

 

It was the truth, nonetheless. Eduardo would put his hand on Mark’s shoulder, feeling how tense it was after god knew how many hours in that position, and he would softly ask, _Mark, come eat something,_ and it would take a few moments for Mark to answer, but Eduardo waited, his hands massaging the rigid muscles of Mark’s shoulders, smiling as Mark went boneless under him, saving his work and turning to him with, _what’s there to eat?_

 

At the same time, though, Mark looked… distant. When they were talking, Mark’s eyes were on him but Eduardo just knew he wasn’t listening, he looked as if he was daydreaming, which was weird because Mark didn’t daydream, he was the king of concentration. But he hardly listened, and all he talked about was thefacebook, and he was becoming less and less available.

 

Then their disagreements started.

 

But you see, Eduardo was only giving his best. He wanted to impress Mark. That’s why he had insisted so much with his methods, even if Mark had wanted things to work in a totally different way, the opposite, actually. He’d acted stubbornly, he knew, but only because he wanted to prove something. He wanted to prove he was needed.

 

And if constantly arguing with Mark wasn’t distressing enough, there was still Sean to make it all worse.

 

Why the hell was Mark so fascinated by him?

 

Oh, but Eduardo knew why. Because Sean had no care for rules, because he had no care for _anything or anyone whatsoever._ And, surprise: Mark admired that.

 

There’s one thing that must be very clear: Eduardo never denied that Sean had been crucial to Facebook. He had stated it loud and clear during the depositions, all right, so that no one would think he was blinded by jealously or something like that.

 

But he and Mark were fighting all the time, and Eduardo couldn’t bear to see Mark on Sean’s side (even if Sean had been right about some things), and he was mostly hurt that Mark couldn’t see that Sean hated him, that Sean wanted him out from the beginning.

 

By the time Mark went to California, things were fairly shaken between them. Still, he had asked Eduardo to come, and there was expectation in his voice, and when Eduardo refused to, Mark’s tone had switched to something dry and his face gone blank as he said, _it’s your choice._

It was ridiculous; Mark’s attitude was ridiculous and that it actually made Eduardo angry was even worse. Mark was just mad because Eduardo wasn’t doing what he wanted. That’s how he was. If Eduardo sometimes believed otherwise, it was on his own account, it was his own stupidity.

 

Now that Eduardo had cleared his mind, he saw it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t personal, Mark was just concerned with his company.

 

Mark didn’t care enough to make it personal.

 

The night Eduardo came to Palo Alto, he knew it would be raining, because he had checked the weather. He didn’t mind bringing an umbrella, as it was just water. He actually liked it. Maybe it had something to do with him being a Pisces.

 

Mark had asked him to come at least for a weekend. When he didn’t pick Eduardo at the airport, Eduardo didn’t really mind. He had expected Mark to be kind of lost to reality. What he didn’t expect was for Mark to be so cruel.

 

Christy seemed to be the only thing he recalled Eduardo mentioning, and there was venom in his voice and his gaze was piercing when he asked about her, and _what the hell?_ And then, _I need you and you’re gonna get left behind,_ everything in only one sentence, and it was as if he was talking of two completely different things, and Eduardo wanted to shake him, wanted to yell, _you don’t act like you need me,_ but he managed to get a hold of himself. Because he couldn’t mix things up. This wasn’t about his feelings, or Mark’s lack of them, for all that mattered.

 

But ok, he got emotional anyway and froze the damn account.

 

And he got emotional _again_ when he heard _I need my CFO,_ and he would have done _anything._

What the fuck had Mark needed him for, he still doesn’t know. He certainly _didn’t need his CFO._

So, Eduardo went back to Mark _for the last time._

As Mark talked to him about the million member party, he was smiling at him, and his eyes were fixed on Eduardo in _that way,_ as if Eduardo was the best dream in the world. Eduardo gulped his beer. He couldn’t predict his own actions if Mark kept looking at him like this. Nonetheless, that same night, the four of them went out, to celebrate the investment. Next day, Eduardo and Chris were going back to Harvard and Mark and Dustin were staying.

 

It was their last time together.

 

They had toasted to Facebook, and they had fun and laughed the whole night, and Mark was so excited he couldn’t hide his foolish smiles, though he kept shooting this nervous looks at Eduardo all the time, which was quite unsettling. Dustin insisted on filling their cups again and again, and at some point Eduardo and Chris started to refuse it, while Mark and Dustin kept on, and it was undeniable fact that, as always, Eduardo would have to carry Mark back and Chris would be forced to drag Dustin back, because Dustin, apparently, didn’t possess an alcohol limit at which he just collapsed as anyone else.

They came back to the rent house in Palo Alto, Chris’s arms around Dustin and Eduardo’s around Mark, who by the way was fairly steady for someone who had drunk the amount he did; he was only a little dizzy and switching words. Eduardo took him to his room, making sure he reached his bed before going to get him a glass of water. When he came back with it, Mark was studying him with large eyes, and startled Eduardo by grabbing his wrist when he was handed the glass.

 

“Wardo, do you really have to go?”

 

Eduardo sighed and sat by his side on the bed.

 

“Yeah, I do, Mark. We’ve already talked about it”

 

Mark rolled his eyes, but with his flushed cheeks, the effect wasn’t the same at all.

 

“And I still don’t see why you think this is a good idea”

 

He was still holding Eduardo’s wrist.

 

“Mark… I want to finish my studies”

 

“No you don’t. I’ve never even seen you enjoy college”, Mark stated with infuriating authority.

 

Mark was right. At this point, Eduardo didn’t even know what he wanted. But he had to graduate. His father had invested so much on his studies, and though Eduardo wasn’t fool enough to think that Harvard would teach him more than being a CFO of a company would, he still couldn’t make himself stay.

 

Eduardo was horribly confused. He didn’t want to work as an economist. But he had come so far. And he shared a company with Mark now. Mark, who seemed to know more about him than Eduardo himself.

 

It made him furious.

 

Mark was pretty much pleading him to stay. But all Eduardo could hear was _you’re going to get left behind._ Because until now, he had only screwed up as a CFO.

 

He had been so naïve to think he would do any better without being there. But that was the plan. It had never crossed his mind to go away and abandon Facebook, even if he _had done it,_ unconsciously.

Mark’s fingers went from holding his wrist to his palm, intertwining their fingers. Eduardo held his breath and looked up at Mark, whose eyes were blurry when he whispered,

 

“Wardo, stay”, with surprising softness, making Eduardo smile, because what else could he do? _Mark is drunk,_ he reminded himself.

 

As if to challenge it, Mark let out with extreme lucidity,

 

“I’m serious, you’ll regret leaving. This isn’t the kind of opportunity that keeps coming, Eduardo.”

 

Eduardo’s smile faded.

 

 _You sound like my father,_ he thought.

 

But he wasn’t going to argue now, much less with drunk Mark.

 

He was letting go of Mark’s hand, but Mark tightened his hold. Eduardo gave him a confused look. Mark was staring at him with lips pressed in a tight line, exasperation written on his face.

 

Eduardo sighed.

 

“Mark”, he started, squeezing Mark’s hand, still wrapped around his own, “We’ll work this out, ok? We’ll find a way. I’m not leaving.”

 

Mark shrugged. Eduardo could tell he was biting the urge to argue with something like _yeah, right._ Mark’s grip on his hand loosened and Eduardo resisted the urge to drag him close and assure Mark that he _would be there._  

 

Instead, he patted Mark on the shoulder, and if Mark leaned slightly into the touch, then Eduardo was imagining things.

 

Next day, Eduardo went back to Harvard under Mark’s blank face and with a heavy feeling weighing him down.

 

The next three months were distressing. Eduardo tried to keep himself informed of Facebook, but Mark would be evasive about it, and they argued a couple of times. Eduardo _knew_ it wasn’t going to be easy, and that during times such as week of exams at Harvard, he just couldn’t worry about whatever was going on with the company. However, if Mark wasn’t making things even more difficult, he didn’t know what it was. He just wouldn’t fill Eduardo in properly.

 

Mark was being sort of dismissive when Eduardo called. But then again, it could be for a thousand reasons. First of all, he was Mark. It could also be that Facebook was demanding all of his energy.

 

_Or, Eduardo was being left behind._

 

Eduardo told himself that things were probably ok, given all the progress Facebook was making. _What could possibly go wrong in three months?_

When he went back to Palo Alto, Facebook was far from his mind. His only true concern was for Mark. What was going on between them? Had Mark found out about his feelings? Had Eduardo been too obvious with his jealously of Sean? Was this why Mark wasn’t acting normal?

 

When Eduardo found out exactly why, he went completely nuts. He had yelled at Mark about shares, Phoenix and the chicken. He had defended his part on the company with all his strength, the way he had only done once in his life: that night he came to Palo Alto to find Sean Parker doing his job.

 

Truth was, he felt pathetic, fighting for a company that he knew wasn’t his anymore. Still, he spit at Mark’s face that he would be back, that he would sue him, when he actually wanted to scream, _so it’s true that you never gave a shit about me?_

And since he had already made the threat and his father wouldn’t leave him alone if he didn’t, he ended actually suing Mark.

 

Back at Harvard, Chris came to him. At Eduardo’s cold stare, he had calmly explained,

 

“I had no idea, Eduardo. I mean, I knew there were new investors, and I did inquire Mark about it. He was evasive, though. So, the dilution shocked me as well”

 

Eduardo sighed in relief. He had not noticed how much he had hoped for this. Chris gave him a small smile. It made Harvard a thousand times easier.

 

One day, Chris asked him if he was really suing Mark. Not in an accusative way, though. When Eduardo confirmed, Chris hesitated before carefully asking,

 

“Don’t you think it would be good trying to talk, first?”

 

“What? Now I’m the one who doesn’t want to talk?”, he snapped, and instantly regretted talking to Chris like that. He looked down in shame, but Chris put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

 

“I didn’t mean it that way. I just think there are better ways to deal with things, that’s all”

 

Like, _you should grow up, Saverin,_ he was probably thinking. It didn’t matter, though. There was no way Eduardo was being the one to look for Mark this time, no matter how childish it looked. Plus, why wasn’t Mark coming to him? He shared his conflict with Chris.

 

“Mark’s being an ass, everyone knows it. I’m not even going to come up with something like _he’s clueless when it comes to human interaction._ He went beyond that, he’s too blind with selfishness. But he’s not ok, Eduardo. He’s just… I thought you should know it”

 

But it wasn’t a matter of pride. It was a matter of finding out exactly what he meant to Mark. And the absolute silence was his answer.

 

Of course, his masochistic side had just _loved the lawsuit._ Because it had been pure torture. It had been all about Mark either avoiding him or just facing him shamelessly.

 

He had listened carefully to everything Eduardo said, in a way he had never done before. _Because he has to, if he wants to win this,_ Eduardo told himself. But that didn’t explain the bruises under Mark’s eyes. It didn’t explain the look of _fucking betrayal_ he gave Eduardo pretty much every day.

 

He had narrowed his eyes when Eduardo suggested Mark had only come to him for the money, and his face had gone completely blank after that.

 

That day, Mark followed Eduardo out of the building. He had tried to leave him behind and since he had longer legs it was working, but when he reached the corner of the street the traffic light was red, he had to stop and Mark grabbed his elbow. Eduardo knew it was him, so he turned, pulling his arm out of Mark’s hold and snapped,

 

“What?”

 

Standing in front him, Mark looked actually _mad._

“That was dirty. It wasn’t for the money, you know it”

Eduardo felt like he could throw up.

 

How could he have convinced himself of… of that?

 

It only took Mark giving him one look for Eduardo to realize he was awfully mistaken.

 

He swallowed a lump in his throat.

 

“It wasn’t on purpose. I…

 

He caught himself before he did something like _apologizing._ God, how did Mark manage to be right even when he had screwed everything up?

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll take it back before the lawyers.”, he said with disdain.

 

Mark looked so disgusted Eduardo thought he would spit on him.

 

“I couldn’t care less what _they_ think”

 

He turned on his heels and left, leaving Eduardo with the feeling of a second breakup. If Mark had any wish of reconciliation, he would have tried something now, right? Not only he didn’t do it, he also threw all the responsibility to Eduardo. 

 

It’s been three years.

 

And Eduardo is totally ready to admit he had indeed made bad, no, terrible decisions for his company. But it doesn’t matter, because the depositions are over and no one cares anymore.

 

Still, all the pain and humiliation he felt that day at Facebook’s office are fresh in his chest. Surely it’s not like the first months anymore, when Eduardo felt as if he was living in a nightmare and he had to drag himself out of bed day by day and act as if he wasn’t slowly being swallowed by sorrow.

 

It’s different now. The worse is left behind. No hard feelings. Eduardo doesn’t hate Mark anymore.

 

He just can’t stand to think of him. So he doesn’t. Except sometimes he does, either because he can’t stop himself, or because something (anything) reminds him of Mark. And when it happens, he hopes.

 

And that’s what prevents the wound from turning into a scar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't you think it’s fucking ironic that you actually took the dog while I’ve chosen the cat?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say that when it comes to The Social Network, I kind of lose myself with the time. I don't know the amount of time between things, so for this story I assumed that the lawsuit was years after the dilutions (I don't know if it's right, but somehow that's what I understood from the movie) and now they meet again not long after the depositions.
> 
> English is not my first language, so I hope it's good enough!
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy it!

_Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you_  
By now you shoulda, somehow, realized what you gotta do  
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now  
  
Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out  
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt  
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now  
  
And all the roads we have to walk are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I would like to say to you  
But I don't know how  
  
Because maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall  
  
Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you  
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do  
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now  
  
And all the roads that lead you there were winding  
And all the lights that light the way are blinding  
There are many things that I would like to say to you  
But I don't know how  
  
I said maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall  
  
I said maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall  
  
I said maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
You're gonna be the one that saves me

_(Oasis – Wonderwall)_

 

It’s been three years, and every single day Mark enters Facebook’s headquarters, he’s still able to feel goose bumps spreading all over him. It might not be as often as before, like back at the beginnings, when the rush of adrenaline was so high it wouldn’t let him sleep for months. But whenever he thinks, _I did it,_ the pride is still there, swelling his chest.   

 

No one had told him that accomplishing something this big meant giving up on so many things, though. Like the freedom to do and act as he pleased. Coding, for instance, doesn’t happen every week, sometimes not even every month, because there are meetings to attend to, events to go, people to deal with. In other words, everything Mark _loathes_ is part of his daily schedule now. Because you just can’t make something big work all by yourself. He’s been taught patience and respect.

 

Maybe a little too late.

 

But it’s ok, because it’s still _everything_ he ever hoped for. Grabbing his passion, producing a masterpiece out of it and seeing it spread all over the world proved to be every bit of exciting as he had imagined. Mark would never voice it loud, but the best way to describe it is _dream coming true._

Plus, he’s not a joke anymore. That’s important.

 

Mark tries not to think too much of what Facebook cost him. Whatever the price was, it has to be worth it. He would be nothing without his creation; it’s everything he is.

 

Not buried deep enough into Mark’s memory is that day when he had yelled at Eduardo, _do you want to go back to being a joke?_

 

Back when he was nineteen, he really, really believed he had nothing of worth. He thought he was stuck with a couple of friends who were the only ones able to keep up with him, while the rest of the world probably saw him as just a nerd who thought too highly of himself. He remembered anger, the unjustified kind of, that always accompanied him, making him spread bitter sarcasm around, when he was convinced that people who disagreed with him or didn’t understand him were pathetic. There was this uncontrollable need to prove he was intellectually superior all the time, and in a way, Facebook _had been born from this urge,_ until it became something else, something that made _Mark_ happy and proud, in first place.  

 

Back then, he would have paid any price to make Facebook work. And that’s why he had left Harvard, overlooked Sean’s dubious character and done… that. With Eduardo.

 

It’s not as if he’s absolutely able to keep his mind from going three years back. He can’t erase months of Dustin’s and Chris’s deceived faces from his memory, the way they looked at Mark as if they didn’t know him anymore. He most certainly _can’t_ forget dark eyes shocked with betrayal, yelled words poisoned with angered pain, or a lawsuit full of Eduardo’s disgust.

 

However, for longer than he imagined, Mark managed to do a pretty good job of completely ignoring his conscience and his feelings.

 

 

If any small trace of regret threatened to surface, Mark reminded himself that Eduardo was the one of the wrong side, that he had _abandoned_ Facebook, because he had never truly believed in it, had treated it as if it was any ordinary company, and it had _pissed_ Mark _off_. So he just couldn’t have done anything differently.

 

Right?

 

He functions. Somehow. He works a lot and he loves his work. Now and then, Dustin reminds him there’s life outside the offices and they go out, and Mark enjoys it because it’s usually a small reunion either at their houses or at a small bar, nothing too loud or too crowded because really, he’s not nineteen anymore, even if Dustin seems to be.

 

When it’s just him, Dustin and Chris, it hurts. Impossibly so. Especially the part where everyone acts as if Eduardo’s never even existed. Feels so wrong. Not that Mark has forbidden the mentioning of his name or anything; it’s Dustin and Chris’s who chose it, probably because they are scared of Mark.

And it’s been three years. That mind blowing ecstasies of giving birth to a masterpiece has… faded.

 

His mind is not buying the excuses anymore.

 

It’s been happening quietly, spreading over him like cancer. Mark’s just ignored the signals. He refuses to acknowledge that he’s become more recluse than ever, that he can’t swallow enough food, that little by little his insomnia’s gotten worse. That every night, after work’s done and the office’s empty, Mark stays behind, staring at his screen for hours without moving.

 

_Now? Now it’s too late to look back!_

But it’s like this thing, this thing that Mark has tried to put to sleep until now, will have none of it anymore. It’s had enough of staying locked out and decided to rebel against Mark, turning his insides out, and Mark’s horrified by the strength of it, when one day he gets home after a twelve hour code binge, throws himself in his bed and starts shaking with sobs.

 

It’s physically painful, like claws are crushing his chest.

 

He thinks of the way he had handled the thing with Eduardo, or rather, not handled, to the point that he had to watch as security _threw him out_ because he, Mark, had _chickened out._

The way he had asked, _stay and be my CFO,_ when he actually wanted, _stay with me._

 

Then, there’s the fact that he eavesdrops whenever he knows Chris or Dustin are talking to Eduardo, that he checks his Facebook page several times a day, that he wanders through the streets when he knows Eduardo is in the city, that his eyes search for him whenever he goes to an event where Eduardo could happen to be.

 

Yeah, he feels like a joke.

 

Mark keeps everything to himself, though. His friends try, his family tries, but Mark has locked the topic. He knows Chris and Dustin _know,_ they’ve always known, without even needing to notice how Mark pretty much stalks Eduardo, which, by the way, they totally have noticed.

 

Then one day, not long after the depositions, Chris is talking to him about a party he has been to, the birthday party of some colleague he had at Harvard. Eduardo’s name is on the tip of his tongue before Chris catches himself and gives Mark a look that’s part pity and part apprehension. Mark shrugs, tells him to go on, that it wasn’t a big deal.

 

Chris gave him a scrutinizing look, probably wondering if Mark is talking out of pride or…something else. Whatever his conclusion is, he goes on.

 

Actually, it was a big deal. He had been dying to know something, anything, about Eduardo.  Surely Mark had his means, and once he forgot to be careful and let out that he knew Eduardo was in town to attend a conference. Dustin and Chris were startled. But who did they think Mark was? It’s not like they weren’t used to him hacking into their files. That’s how Mark had found out Eduardo listened to Spice Girls; it had been a memorable day, especially after Dustin admitted he did it, too, and it had ended with the four of them drinking and listening to their disk. Whatever, nothing against the Spice at all, it was just funny. Mark could totally picture Eduardo alone in his dorm, jumping with ‘Wannabe’. It kind of suited him.

 

Mark had his means, but he had no way to find out how Eduardo was handling all this. And, contrary to popular belief, Mark was awfully worried about him, and was eternally grateful to Chris for being on Eduardo’s side. Even if it meant being shamefully jealous that Chris still got to see him and being sort of ignored by Chris for a couple of months.

 

So, Chris, who keeps in touch with Eduardo more than Dustin does, starts bringing him up all the time, which Mark knows is totally on purpose.

 

It hurts so fucking much. Mark wonders if Chris knows that, too.

 

This way, Mark learns that Eduardo has managed to move on with his life. Well, sort of. He’s an investor now; Mark wanders if he’s happy. However, Dustin never mentions anything personal about him, which is exactly what Mark wants to know, like, _does Eduardo ever mentions my name,_ and if by any chance he does, _is it with too much hate?_

 

Then, he finds out Eduardo lives in Singapore, now. And it’s like being stabbed straight on the chest.

 

Suddenly, Mark is hit by the weight of three whole years. Three years of running away, three years of lies. It all falls heavily over him, and he’s just… Little by little, he had been falling apart, and he thought he was strong, but it only took a last small push for him to just be utterly _broken_.

 

Eduardo is on the other side of the Earth. Mark doesn’t even understand why it makes their breakup sound even more definite. Does it change anything, really? Does it change that they have been ignoring each other for years?

 

But it makes it official, that Eduardo left him.

 

That Mark let Eduardo go without a fight.

 

Dustin must pick up on Mark’s distress, though, because one day, he and Chris corner him during lunch break, arms crossed and _that_ look on their faces, which meant they were stepping into Mark’s personal stuff either he liked it or not.

 

“If you care, why don’t you just do it the easier way and talk to him?”

 

He shrugs.

 

“Why would he listen now?” _He sued me, he doesn’t want to listen. He doesn’t trust me._

 

He hopes Dustin, who has a big mouth, will make his life easier by confessing something like _Eduardo misses you,_ but apparently he’s been instructed by Chris, because he keeps his mouth firmly shut. Chris stares blankly at him.

 

“I don’t know, Mark. I just know that _you_ will go nuts if you don’t do anything soon.  

 

Then, Chris lets only one information out, and he has a meaningful face when he does it,

 

“There’s a clean energy conference next month. Eduardo’s coming. He intends on getting to know how each company stands about it, probably to pick one to invest.”

 

Next day, Mark has subscribed himself to the conference, that’s taking place in NYC.

 

Except when the day finally comes, when Eduardo spots Mark in the crowd, he nods coldly at him and doesn’t even come close. Yes, he went pale and there was a slight shock on his face. But he _nodded,_ as, _we’re old colleagues who’ve grown apart,_ and not like, _you’re my ex best friend who I hate now._

Mark feels his skin shrinking.

 

This is worse than Eduardo’s anger, which, by the way, he had tried to hide under a mask of blankness during the lawsuit and had totally failed. Eduardo can’t hide his feelings; that’s Mark’s department.

 

Maybe Eduardo has learned it, somehow. Mark hopes that’s it.

 

Later, Mark finds out Eduardo’s a speaker. He talks about the importance of clean energy and of his intention, as an investor, of helping companies that are trying to be echo friendly. His words get particularly passionate when he goes about the impacts of energy sources on the weather, revealing knowledge about global warming that clearly outweighs anything economy related he said.

 

After this, he disappears, and Mark looks for him for a good twenty minutes. Finally, he sees Eduardo in the bar, talking to a woman. Mark takes a moment to notice that Eduardo seems to have grown taller, which is just _great,_ since Mark has not grown half an inch since college and now he’ll probably need to lift his chin even higher to look at Eduardo, and that’s quite humiliating, and it’s also _hot._ Ward - Eduardo also keeps his tan and looks slightly older. He’s still apparently a good listener, judging from his calm expression focused on the woman.

 

Mark recalled a time when Eduardo listened this carefully to him.

 

He’s putting his empty glass down and asking for another. Mark gathers courage and makes his way towards him.

 

_Wardo._

“Eduardo”

 

Eduardo turns and finally those familiar dark eyes are fixed on him, and Mark…

 

He swallows.

 

Suddenly, he remembers why he hasn’t reached for Eduardo until now. It’s not because it wasn’t important, not because it wasn’t worth his time, not because he ever dreamed he could erase Eduardo of his life.

 

He’s just _scared to death_.

 

What’s he going to say?

 

_I’m sorry I didn’t warn you sooner that you were going to get kicked out, and yes, it was unavoidable, since you sucked at your job._

 

Eduardo will never forgive him. He may actually smash _Mark_ this time, since there are not any other objects at hand.

 

Eduardo might not even care at this point, and who could blame him? Mark let his cowardice drag this on for too long.

 

So, Mark panics and goes with,

 

“You should have studied Meteorology.”

 

Eduardo chuckles bitterly and sips his drink,

 

“What do you want?”

 

His tone is emotionless. Mark shivers.

 

“I… Can we talk?”

 

“You can say it here”

 

It’s not like Eduardo, this harshness. Then again, he’s had a drink or two.

 

Mark looks at the woman, who’s looking from him to Eduardo, obviously sensing the heaviness in the air.

 

“No, I can’t. Would you come with me for a moment?”

 

Eduardo turns to the woman,

 

“Let’s go”, he tells her, before standing and helping her do the same, though he’s a bit unsteady on his feet.

 

His eyes lock with Mark’s for a second, and Mark still can’t read _anything_ there, and Eduardo is turning to leave, and Mark can’t believe it, feels like he’s being sucked into an endless hole, and reacts the only way he knows.

 

“Yeah, do it again. Just run, you’re an expert” _And sue me again, why not?_

Mark knows he has screwed up even before Eduardo freezes with his back turned to him. Then, Eduardo is looking at him and he doesn’t seem hurt or angry. His face is hard.

 

He looks unsurprised.

 

Like he expected nothing less of Mark.

 

This time, both turn to leave.

 

Mark knows he has messed up. He doesn’t need Chris muttering on his ears (though he obviously does that). The problem is that he needs to leave his shit out of this for a while if he wants things to work out. Because this whole unsolved issues thing is not one sided; Mark has his own, he just really thought he was over them.

 

Mark’s shamefully clueless when it comes to these things.

 

So, when Eduardo ignored him, Mark had gone mad, thinking,

 

_Go on and give up again, as easily as three years ago,_

Instead of just using his so called brilliant mind, his unbreakable reason, to consider that Eduardo was upset, that he didn’t trust Mark now. Mark would be dumb if he really believed this would be easy.

 

At least, he’d seen Eduardo wasn’t just cold indifference. He had been rude. He wouldn’t be rude if he didn’t care, right?

 

Mark clings to this belief when he emails Eduardo.

 

_We really should talk._

There is no answer. Weeks go by and there’s still nothing, and Mark alternates between despairing, that everything has really gone to hell, and a familiar feeling that has bugged him since the beginnings of this whole situation with Eduardo, which is his own feeling of rejection, that Mark’s not the one who put distance between them.

 

That Eduardo’s the one who could never be bothered to _listen._

Really, where did people get the idea that Mark was the stubborn one in this relationship? Eduardo, for all his kind and caring nature, could hide very well his own complexities.

 

And he proves to be equally unpredictable (not that Mark thinks so of himself, he actually believes he’s boringly attached to his routine) when, a month later, he actually attends the shareholders meeting that he has pretty much ignored for the last couple of years, even if Mark insisted his secretary kept calling him to each of them.

 

He arrives a few minutes before the reunion, this time not bothering to compliment Mark. This time, unlike that day at the bar, there’s more light and Mark can see that even in his impeccable suit, with his impeccable hair, Eduardo looks tired and Mark feels an edge of guilt. Back at Harvard, Eduardo was the one always taking care of him. Mark remembers soft words on his ears in the early morning after a night spent coding. He remembers gentle hands guiding him to bed, placing food next to his laptop. Eduardo’s concerned eyes when he was sick or went too long without sleeping.

 

Mark had taken it all for granted.

 

He wonders if Eduardo has anyone who takes care of him.

 

Eduardo just makes his way to the opposite edge of the huge, rectangular shaped table and takes a seat. His face is unreadable, though he’s purposefully in avoidance.

 

Then everyone’s there and the meeting begins and Eduardo’s actually paying attention, while Mark’s head is short-circuiting.

 

Part of him wants this meeting to end so that he can pass Eduardo and ignore him. Three years ago, he’d have done just that. Things are not going as planed? Leave it behind. Too much trouble? Not worth it. Only coding was worth it, because there was an unquestionable solution waiting for him in the end.

 

Then, he remembers Dustin and Chris right after the dilution. God, they had been trouble, insisting on being around Mark even when they looked disgusted by him. Had Mark not been patient, had he not known it was worth it, he’d never have obtained their forgiveness. 

 

Patience.

 

And the ability to take a fucking hint. Like when Dustin had started pacing around Mark’s office again for no reason at all, and even if it was irritating, Mark had caught the meaning. Dustin was forgiving and no, Mark could not throw him out.

 

So, if Eduardo came, it must mean something. And if it doesn’t, well.

 

Eduardo can’t escape him, so Mark texts him.

 

_Wait for me at the cafeteria._

Across the table, Eduardo’s eyes narrow at him. Mark stands up, ignoring Chris’s glare, and leaves the room to do some coding. The hour drags itself until Mark sees the members leaving the building.

He steps into the cafeteria and there’s Eduardo. He hasn’t ordered anything. Mark takes a seat across him.

 

“Have you ordered?”

 

“I don’t want anything”, he says somewhat irritated, then adds,

 

“Please go straight to the point”

 

And Mark has always been one to do just that, why is it so hard now?

 

“I want to talk”, he announces as if it’s news, as if it’s not the only words he’s been able to form until now.

 

“Now?”, Eduardo asks with raised eyebrows and Mark bites down the sarcastic remark about stating the obvious that’s on the tip of his tongue, because he really can’t blame Eduardo on that one.

 

Still, Mark only shrugs, and when Eduardo inquires if he’s really gonna have to ask why, he looks on the verge of losing it and Mark knows he’ll have to do better than that, knows he’ll have to give away more than he intended to.

 

“You’re moving to Singapore”, he tries to sound casual, but his voice comes out so small, he doubts he accomplished that.

 

There’s a flash of understanding through Eduardo’s face, before he shields it.

 

“So what?”, he asks, not mockingly, but truly curious.

 

“We could have done better, you know. It didn’t have to end like this”

 

He purposefully chose to use _we,_ and noticed when Eduardo widened his eyes at that. But Mark knows this is about him making it right now, so he swallows his pride.

 

“I hate how I handled things. You didn’t deserve it. I’m… I’m _ashamed_ of myself, Eduardo”

 

“Then why did you do it?”

 

Mark tightens his lips and frowns. This may make things harder, but Eduardo deserves the truth, so he firmly says,

 

“First, I didn’t have the balls to tell you about the dilution sooner. Plus, I didn’t think you’d care so much, given the way you were acting towards the company”

 

Eduardo’s eyes are intensely locked with his, and for a brief instant it looks like he’ll stand and leave.

 

But he averts his eyes and sighs deeply.

 

“I wasn’t mad because of the company”

 

Mark swallows.

 

“I know, Wa… Eduardo. I know. I wasn’t justifying my actions. Just explaining”

 

Eduardo nods. His eyes even soften. But he’s still not smiling. Still not at ease.

 

“I know I did bad business. With Facebook, I mean. I don’t blame you for wanting me out, Mark. But you went behind my back, and that was…” – his voice breaks, and Eduardo shakes his head. He looks so drained.

 

He doesn’t finish the sentence, and Mark doesn’t need to be a genius of empathy to get the meaning.

 

Mark’s afraid things will be stuck like this. _I don’t hate you, but that’s it. I can never be close to you anymore._

He always knew being sorry didn’t change a damn thing.

 

Still, he can’t keep quiet while Eduardo looks like this.

 

“There’s no excuse, I know. But it’s done. I can only wish I’d acted differently, but it’s useless”, he shrugs, lips tightening with frustration and helplessness.

Mark forces himself to face Eduardo, whose gaze is now piercing into him.

 

“And you’ve decided it now?”

 

Mark’s eyes narrow, despite of himself.

 

“I didn’t _decide_ anything. Ever heard of regret?”

 

“Took you long enough, huh?”

 

Before Mark’s even aware what he’s doing, the words are out of his mouth,

 

“At least I have the decency to acknowledge my mistakes!”

 

“What the hell? I’ve just told you I did terrible business! Do you really want to go there, Mark? Want to compete over who screwed up worse?”

 

“I’m not talking about bad business, I’m talking the part where you never gave a damn about Facebook”

 

This gets Eduardo’s face pale with anger and Mark’s suddenly grateful his laptop is nowhere to be seen.

 

“Assuming this absurd was true, Mark”, he says through his teeth, “you’re saying it gave you the right to…

 

“That’s not what I’m saying. In fact, I’m saying the exact opposite”

 

Eduardo stares with a blank face, and after a while, Mark lowers his gaze. He doesn’t know what to say anymore, and something tells him he’s getting on Eduardo’s nerves, which wasn’t his intention at all. This is confirmed when Eduardo suddenly stands. Mark mimics him and wants to know what they’ll do now.

 

He’s waiting for Eduardo just turn and leave, which’s why it’s startling to hear,

 

“You look awful. Go home and sleep, for heaven’s sake”

 

“You too”, Mark says and it comes somewhat harsh, because it caught him out of guard. Eduardo’s eyes widen and he nods.

 

 _I’ll keep in touch,_ Mark wants to say. Instead, he’s just silent as Eduardo turns to leave.

 

The first thing Mark does is run to Chris and Dustin, tell them everything and complain in their ears that things still didn’t look well, in fact they looked even weirder than before.

 

Mark tries to remember since when he started to run to others for goddamn relationship advices, but he’s not (ever) in the mood for self pity, so, he might just listen for once in his life, since Chris and Dustin now are more familiar with Eduardo than he is.

 

“You can’t blame Wardo for being cautious”, Dustin is straightforward, and before he knows what he’s doing, Mark is arguing that _he’s forgiven Eduardo, has left all behind, so why can’t Eduardo do the same?_ Then, his friends are staring at him as if he’s grown a third head and Chris has his kind, PR posture when he asks what Mark has forgiven Eduardo for.

 

Only then, Mark realizes he can’t go there without making things worse than they are.

 

A week passes and no news from Eduardo. Mark keeps his anxiety at bay as much as he can, until he’s had enough and grabs his cell, that’s resting on his desk, next to the laptop, which is news because Mark hardly even uses it.

 

He’s single minded and he knows it. Eduardo had once mentioned it had something to do with him being a Taurus. Wardo loved to babble about astrology silliness anyway, especially how he and Mark fit because water is good to earth, whatever.

 

So, Mark texts,

 

_How are things?_

Without caring if it’s awkward, because he’s had a week to get used to the fact that things may keep awkward for a while. He remembers Eduardo’s words, long ago: _relationships sometimes start with some faking._

 

A couple of hours later, he gets,

 

_Too much work. You?_

Mark smiles with relief.

 

They start texting each other more frequently, and for the first time in his life Mark is actually careful with what he says, and there’s still distance, he knows. He keeps trying, and he’s never been good with words, but now they’re all he has as a tool, so he learns to read not only the words, but hidden meanings between them, and when he senses a gap, he uses it, he goes in.

 

Eduardo doesn’t give him many gaps.  He’s acting almost… polite. Like they hadn’t pretty much lived together for years, like one hadn’t seen the other throw up after overdrinking God knows how many times.

 

So when there’s one gap, Mark treasures it. Like that one time when Mark had asked, _how was your day,_ and instead of giving him the usual _good, and yours,_ Eduardo had actually been honest, with, _it was crap, everything sucked at work, I lost my temper with a potential client, was late for a reunion with another one because I developed a migraine and now I just want to sleep it all._

Mark thinks, _if you were here, I’d want the details,_ but uses what he has, _well, you should try to rest now, or watch one of your favorites, something light, like Wall-e._

_Wall-e isn’t light, it’s pretty heavy for me, ok_

_Ok, just turn the weather channel on, then_

_Then I won’t sleep_

 

And one day Eduardo calls him. It takes some time for him to loosen up, and then they are spending hours on the phone, and Mark had forgotten how damn much he missed this, even when it’s just small talk, how much he missed sharing things with Eduardo, how it made life brighter.

 

Mark still can’t sleep properly, so one day, at some ungodly hour, he forwards a funny video to Eduardo, knowing that where he lives it’s probably early evening.

 

His phone rings fifteen minutes later.

 

“Mark, what on earth, you’re still working?”, Eduardo scolds him.

 

“Um… Yeah?”

 

He can hear Eduardo breathing in.

 

“It’s 3am, you should be home!”

 

“I am working at home, though. Can’t spend nights at the office anymore”

 

“And why is that?”, Eduardo asks, sounding haunted.

 

“I have to take care of Beast. My dog”

 

There’s a moment of silence, in which Mark perfectly pictures Eduardo’s shocked face.

 

“You have a dog?”

 

“That’s what I said. So what?”, Mark asks with an edge of defiance

 

“Nothing, it’s just, I never imagined you’d want it”, Eduardo honestly explains, and Mark lets his defensiveness drop.

 

“Yeah, whatever”, he says, but it’s soft.

 

Eduardo chuckles.

 

“But it’s amazing, Mark! How is it going?”

 

So Mark tells him, smiling knowingly when Eduardo goes insane about the most ordinary things about Beast, the way Mark had always imagined he would.

“You should come see him”, he eventually says, his voice casual, though they both know it’s meaningful.

 

There’s a brief silence that gets on Mark’s nerves, before,

 

“I don’t know if it’ll be so soon, though”

 

“When you’re here”, Mark is quick to add. He doesn’t want to pressure anyone, but he wonders if Eduardo can hear the anticipation in his voice.

 

When they hang up, Eduardo hasn’t told Mark when is _soon_ going to be.

 

It’s been two months since they started talking when Eduardo announces he’s coming to Miami, and Mark assumes he’s probably visiting his family. Chris and Dustin thank God that now they can have _both_ their friends going out and they settle a WII marathon at Mark’s place, so Eduardo can meet Beast.

 

Mark’s stomach’s curling with anxiety when the day comes, even though he’s tried everything (code binges, beer, code binges, sleeping pills, did he mention code binges?) not to expect too much.

 

Then someone’s knocking at his door and it can only be one person, since Chris and Dustin are there already.

 

Eduardo’s there, in casual (but still stupidly nice) clothes, carrying a package of some expensive beer, his tan more accentuated than ever. He smiles. But it’s not his old, carefree, huge smile. It carries some unknown weight.

 

In the pockets of his hoodie, Mark’s hands itch to give him a hug. It used to be the other way around, and Mark doesn’t know how to do it.

 

Before Eduardo’s even greeted Chris and Dustin, Beast comes running to them. He jumps at each one of them, resting his paws on their knees to be petted, and when he sees Eduardo, he sniffs him and does the same thing.

 

That’s when Eduardo’s smile really opens. Mark’s not jealous of his dog. He’s not.

 

They move to the main room to make themselves comfortable over Mark’s big, expensive coaches. But even Mark, who sucks at reading people, can tell Eduardo’s not comfortable. His limbs are rigid, his back is too straight. He doesn’t take a seat next to Mark, with their knees rubbing and an arm thrown casually over the coach behind his back.

 

It turns out, as Mark had imagined, no one plays WII. They have too much to catch up with. Nobody mentions Facebook. Little by little, Eduardo seems to relax, he even laughs now and then (mostly Dustin’s doing), but Eduardo…

 

He’s not completely there.

 

He’s… quiet, but not just that. It’s his eyes… they alternate between being lost and when they focus on Mark, they’re blank.

 

So after a while, Mark becomes quiet too. He’d been thinking that talking with Eduardo in person would be easier.

 

But he wasn’t ready to face this distance.

 

So when Eduardo offers to go get more beer, Mark ignores Chris and Dustin’s terrified faces and his own revolving guts, and goes after him.

 

He stops at the kitchen door. Eduardo is leaning over the fridge.

 

“Did I do or say something offensive?”

 

Eduardo closes the fridge with four beer cans in hand and turns to him.

 

“No. Nothing new, at least”

 

Mark flinches and bites his tongue before saying something rude.

 

“You… What’s up, then?”

 

“What do you mean? What do you want me to do?”

 

_Talk to me. For heaven’s sake, just let me in._

“We talked. I figured you’d be more at ease”

 

“Well, I’m not”, Eduardo’s suddenly irritated.

 

“Yeah, we know, you’ve made it clear”, Mark’s mocking before he can help it.

 

“I’m sorry I’m not acting the way _I’m supposed to!_ ”, Eduardo says through his teeth, before placing the cans on the sink and making his way to the door. When Eduardo storms past him, Mark panics and grabs his wrist.

 

“Wardo, wait!”

 

Eduardo freezes on his place, not because Mark’s holding him, he’s not strong enough to stop Eduardo. He turns to Mark and he’s pissed off and this is _so much better than nothing._

“I get it, all right? It’s ok. Just stay”

 

They’re so close Mark can sense heat emanating from Eduardo’s body, can perfectly trace the contour of his handsome profile with his eyes, and is startled by how much he longs to trace it _with his hands, or his lips._

Eduardo’s hands turn into fists and he closes his eyes, before breathing in and finally nodding.

 

Only then, Mark lets go of his arm.

 

Then, Eduardo turns to him, his gaze dark and intense _,_ burning holes into Mark, whose knees go instantly weak.

 

He wouldn’t mind being under this gaze for the rest of this life. But then, Eduardo’s turning to get the beer cans.

 

When they go back to the living room, he sits next to Mark.

 

Maybe he’s a little more talkative.

 

At some point, Eduardo’s phone rings, and when he answers his whole expression is soft. He excuses himself and goes to the kitchen.

 

He spends almost twenty minutes on the phone.

 

Mark’s not expecting for Eduardo to sleep over. Still, he’s a bit disappointed when he claims he’s going with Dustin. But it’s weird when Eduardo announces he’s back to Miami next day. It’s weird that Eduardo’s staying for such a small time in California, since his friends are here.

 

He figures Eduardo must really miss his parents.

 

A week later Eduardo’s back to Singapore, and Mark…

 

If there’s one thing Mark doesn’t lack, it’s patience. He’s a computer programmer, a coder, he can’t lack patience. But the thing about coding is that he knows where it’s heading to.

 

With people, Mark doesn’t.

 

He has no clue as to what to do anymore. This is so disturbing. Mark’s never had to do anything in particular so that things would work with Eduardo. Chris told him things _are_ working, but Mark can’t be at ease, and he doesn’t know _why._

 

That is why when a long holiday comes and Eduardo invites them to spend some time in his place, Mark agrees, even if he’d planned to catch up with work.

 

They land really early and Eduardo comes to pick them up. Of course, all of them are eager to visit the paradisiacal beaches and Mark knows he can’t escape. It’s a good thing his laptop is fully charged and he stubbornly ignores everyone’s complains about him bringing it over. But when they are there under the hottest hour of the day, the sun exactly above their heads, and everyone’s taken a dive except for Mark, Eduardo sits beside him and hands him a bottle.

 

“Mark… you’ll get sick if you don’t get into the water”

 

Mark lifts his eyes from the screen, frowning when the sunlight hits his eyes fully. The laptop’s heat is getting uncomfortable and he’s damp with sweat. He drinks the cold water Eduardo’s given him and instantly feels better.

 

“Let’s go back, then. Enough of beach”

 

Eduardo glares and Mark shrugs, but sets his computer aside. He looks at the sea for the first time since he’s here, the calm rhythm of the waves, listens to its sounds. He can see Dustin and Chris far beyond the place where the waves break, their bodies slightly undulating with the water’s movement.

 

“It’s relaxing, isn’t it?”

 

Eduardo’s smiling at him. Mark nods.

 

“Want to come?”

 

Eduardo’s already on his feet and Mark quietly accepts the hand extended to him.

 

It takes a moment for Mark to get over the thermo shock between his burning skin and the freezing water. Eduardo notices and chuckles, but waits for him. _It’s better to just dive in at once,_ he says, but Mark keeps slowly walking into the water, and when he last expects, he’s abruptly pushed.

 

When he’s resurfaced again, Eduardo’s laughing hard, and he curses, but feels so refreshed it doesn’t come with the impact he intends. For some reason it makes him recall a day years ago, back at college, when Mark wouldn’t leave his computer and go to bed. Eduardo had playfully counted to three, and at Mark’s stubborn refusal, he had swept him off his feet. Mark was in absolute shock at how easily Eduardo could carry him and was even more startled when Eduardo all but _threw_ him on the bed as if he were a ragdoll. Mark fell ungracefully on his ass and immediately sat back, gritting his teeth, but Eduardo was over him again and pushed him back, and they repeated the game over and over (and _since when Wardo was so strong?)_ until Eduardo was laughing so hard he’d had to stop.    

 

It had been a long time ago, when Facebook was still thefacebook, when Wardo had started invading Mark’s head from the minute he woke up until bed time, and even during coding times Mark would suddenly think of him. When Wardo’s presence made him feel warm all over and butterflies in his stomach and just _staring_ at him caused Mark to lose focus. Then he finally realized he _liked_ Wardo, and when Mark thought of it, he couldn’t help being under the impression that Eduardo liked him, too.

 

He couldn’t be sure, though, especially because Eduardo had always treated him, well, not nice, more like frighteningly nice ( _he follows you around like a lost, needy puppy,_ Sean had commented later, and Mark had scolded him).  Then, Christy had come, and it was all Mark could do to bury the feelings.

 

That day, when Eduardo had picked him up, Mark’s whole body had burned from being held by Eduardo, even if for such a small time. The same way it burned whenever Wardo hugged him, threw an arm around his shoulders or even when he only stared in that way that always made Mark think Eduardo felt the same. Mark wasn’t very attached to physical contact, so it had startled him how Eduardo’s strong hold that day had awaken needs he didn’t even know he possessed.

 

What really catches Mark’s attention, though, is the way Wardo’s smiling at him when he’s done with _laughing_ at him. It’s so honest.

 

If Eduardo can smile at him like that, Mark must be doing something right.

 

It turns out Mark actually enjoys being in the water and doesn’t even sulk like he’d been planning to, to make up for his ruined plans. But when they go back to the sand, it’s already past 3pm and Mark, who isn’t used to this, can’t take the heat anymore. Since Chris and Dustin don’t plan on leaving before sunset, Eduardo offers to go back with him. Wardo mutters Mark should have gotten into the water sooner while gathering their things.

 

Eduardo’s place perfectly reflects him; it’s elegant without needing much. It’s undeniable modern, but without useless luxuries. There’s a room filled with weather monitoring equipments that are always turned on, and graphics are always showing on wide computer screens. When Mark takes a look at that, he has to keep himself from cornering Eduardo and demanding to know what _the fuck_ is keeping him from working with this, with his actual passion.

 

It’s only after Mark’s taken a shower that he finds out something that truly startles him. He goes to find Eduardo on his room. The door is slightly ajar, and when Mark looks inside, he sees Eduardo on his bed with a black, furry, large cat on his lap. He’s patting him (or her, Mark can’t tell) with pure adoration in his eyes.

 

As Mark silently makes his way to them, Eduardo announces,

 

“Her name is Dalia”

 

Mark settles himself on the bed and gently sinks his hand in the cat’s fur. Dalia opens her eyes, keeping them narrowed (it’s clearly a glare) and jumps from Wardo’s lap to the floor, making her way towards the door.

 

Eduardo smirks,

 

“Don’t you know anything about cats?”

 

Mark shrugs,

 

“I’m raising a dog”

 

Eduardo chuckles and stands, managing to reach Dalia before she’s left the room. He stars petting her head and she doesn’t move away but keeps rigid on her place. Soon, though, she’s closing her eyes again, and when Mark last expects it, she gracefully lays down. Eduardo smiles and sits on the floor to get a better angle.

 

Wardo’s still petting her when his eyes narrow.

 

“Don’t you think it’s hilarious that you actually took the dog while I’ve chosen the cat?”

 

Mark frowns.

 

“I fail to see what’s funny about that”

 

Eduardo chuckles, mostly to himself.

 

“It’s more than hilarious; it’s fucking ironic. I’m the needy one, Mark. I’m the one who wants to take care of others, wants to be needed. And a cat hardly needs my help”

 

So that’s what this is about.

 

Mark’s always found Eduardo’s self-deprecating side quite disturbing. It’s something so deeply buried in Eduardo’s mind that Mark’s always lost, not knowing what to do to get Wardo to know he was _fucking awesome._

 

On the other hand, Mark’s always admired Eduardo for speaking so earnestly of himself. Wardo was never one to be ashamed of talking personal issues. It’s quite the opposite; he’s actually quite naïve, speaking of his weaknesses to anyone he’s close with.

 

He doesn’t say anything yet; lets Eduardo conclude his epiphany or whatever.

 

“And a dog needs constant reassurance. It needs care almost every minute of a day. That’s why I almost fell hard on the floor when you told me about Beast. I mean, at college, we had to hide your laptop so you’d remember food and sleep, Mark!”

 

Mark scowls.

 

“I take pretty good care of my dog. Walks every day, eats better than I do, weekly baths, curls on my lap”

 

Wardo nods,

 

“I know”

 

“And I don’t think you’re needy. It’s ridiculous; I don’t even know where you get these things from, Eduardo”

 

Eduardo stares at him blankly, then shrugs,

 

“Yeah, whatever”, which kind of pisses Mark off, because really, what was the point? That’s why he adds,

 

“It’s a miracle you haven’t crushed Dalia with your neediness, then”

 

Soon, though, he’s distracted by the way Eduardo’s fingers are gently stroking Dalia’s nape, and now Mark’s jealous of a cat. Fantastic.

 

Mark makes himself comfortable on Eduardo’s bed. He’s unused to exposing himself to the sun for so long and it tired him.  He ends dozing off right where he is.

 

It’s hard to wake up two hours later, with someone gently shaking his shoulder. Mark blinks heavily, barely listening what the person is saying. He decides he doesn’t want to move from where he is and turns on his side.

 

Then the voice calls him a little louder, and he’s being shaken again. Mark curses and is about to send whoever it is out, when a cool hand lands on his forehead, and he can finally distinguish words,

 

“Are you running a fever?”

 

It’s Wardo and Mark frowns, he really feels warm, and forces himself to open his eyes. Eduardo is leaning over him, also frowning, with a hand on his shoulder and the other still on his forehead.

 

This is painfully familiar. Wardo’s concern, Wardo’s care.

 

“Am I?”

 

Wardo grabs his arm and feels it, then slides his hand underneath Mark’s shirt and _fuck, feels delicious,_ and Mark can’t help but squirm a little. He meets Eduardo’s eyes, and Eduardo looks back, but quickly lowers his gaze.

 

“You’re just warm from the sun. Are you feeling well?”, he asks, voice a little hoarse

 

Mark nods, not trusting his voice right now. Wardo’s eyes are dark and huge, fixed on him, and it’s making Mark nervous. Thankfully (or not), Eduardo steps back and explains he was calling Mark for dinner, and that Dustin and Chris are waiting downstairs.

 

Dinner is fine, most of the awkwardness is gone. Soon, they’re back to old patterns, like the whole arguing about what they’ll watch. Chris enjoys cult, Dustin only likes trash terrors, Wardo’s ok with anything and Mark has a list of his favorites that’s not opened to discussion, thank you very much. As always, they don’t reach a consensus and Dustin keeps surfing the channels until they find something  neutral that none of them would ever have chosen on their own.

 

But there’s beer and there’s Dustin commenting _it’s not so bad_ and Chris saying they should put on the news channel and Wardo’s laughing and Mark’s tongue’s as sharp as ever, so it’s good.

 

There’s still not Facebook or lawsuit talk, and that’s what makes it different from Kirkland.

 

Also, the fact that someone calls Eduardo and he’s suddenly got _that_ look on his face, the soft one, and he excuses himself, spends at least 30 minutes on the phone and Mark has no idea who it is.

 

Next day morning, everyone agrees Mark shouldn’t do sun exposure, and since Chris and Dustin are hopelessly in love with the beach (and asian girls, Dustin adds), Mark tells them to go ahead, he’ll use this time to catch up with some work. But then, Eduardo offers to stay and take him out to see the town, and it’s not that Mark wouldn’t like that, but he had intended to do at least a small amount of coding in the holidays and Wardo looks like he wants to go with them anyway so he declines the offer.

 

Instead of complaining that he should enjoy the holiday out and not confined to a room, Eduardo shrugs and says nothing, which is weird.

 

The whole holiday goes like this; they wake up and Mark codes while the others go to the beach and when they return he’s still wired in and he only stops when he’s absolutely forced to, like when he has to dress to go out for dinner.

 

That’s Mark’s idea of fun and he doesn’t care if others find it rude.

 

Wardo doesn’t try to get him out of the computer, doesn’t comment on Mark’s behavior.

 

The night before they’re leaving, Eduardo takes them to a bar where the sake is great. They all overdo it with the drinking, and Mark keeps shooting quick glances at Wardo, thinks Eduardo’s doing the same, but doesn’t know if he’s just imagining things. They’re talking about Eduardo’s work, and Eduardo’s telling them about great investments and even greater opportunities; it’s making Mark angry for some reason, and he’s always had a problem with alcohol: it makes him think too fast and sometimes he speaks what he thought without having time to filter, so what happens is that he lets out,

 

“You should come back to the States, there’s nothing you’re doing here that can’t be done there”,

 

And when Eduardo answers,

 

“And you should keep your mouth shut”, nobody was expecting it, not even Wardo himself. Even Mark’s shocked, his eyes widened for a moment before going blank even if he’s still unsettled. Eduardo excuses himself to the bathroom and everyone is silent for a good while. Then Eduardo’s back, he has clearly washed his face and pulled his hair back, because it’s all messed.

 

“I’m sorry”, he mutters, eyes fixed on the floor. Mark swallows and manages,

 

“No problem”, his voice smaller than he intended.

 

Later, Chris says it served him well for intruding in Eduardo’s life. Mark wonders if that was the reason that made Wardo so angry, because as far as he knows, he’s always spoken his mind and Eduardo has never minded it, except, of course, for the whole Facebook issue.

 

Mark wonders if he’s lost this, the right to speak his mind with Eduardo.

 

Then, not even a month later, Eduardo’s back to the States and Mark wonders why, until they all meet at Dustin’s place and Eduardo shows up with a curly haired woman hanging to his arm.

 

It’s his girlfriend from Miami.

 

So _that’s_ why he came, and that’s why he had not been too long at California that time they had gathered at Mark’s. From the look on their faces, Dustin and Chris obviously thought Mark knew, because they shoot him confused, apologetic glances at the sight of _his_ face.

 

Mark stays frozen on his place, trying not to let too much shock show on his face, smiling coldly at her, and when she says, _so you’re Mark Zuckerberg? You’re the one to be blamed that I waste so much time in the internet,_ he manages to bite his tongue and not reply with _don’t be stupid, this is your own fault._

He knows he _can’t_ say what he wants, and since Mark’s not prone to faking, he retrieves to another room with his laptop in hands, hoping to wire in and forget he’s here.

Chris comes and Mark waves him off. Dustin pokes him and Mark slaps him. Eduardo comes and Mark tells him he’s got too much work to do without even taking his eyes of the screen.

 

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Eduardo’s resigned nod. Mark knows he’s only here for one day, that he only came to see them.

 

Twenty minutes later, he closes his laptop and goes back to the main room. He keeps his mouth mostly shut, and knows it’s for the best.

 

Time goes by and Eduardo comes to Miami at least once a month. He always visits, and sometimes he brings his girlfriend with him. Mark’s living with that. He’s not all sympathies with her, but then again, he’s not with anyone, so he gets away with that.

 

He’s mentally scolded himself a thousand times for getting his hopes up _again._ He must be really pathetic to even consider Eduardo would want to be involved with him after everything that happened. It was hard enough getting his trust again.

 

Plus, Wardo’s happy. Mark knows part of it is because the four of them are back together. But he’s also seen the way that girl treats him, she’s smart and kind and clearly makes Eduardo feel, well, loved. And he’s seen the way Wardo looks at her, the way he talks to her and _about_ her, and yes, he adores her.

 

If Mark thinks too much of it, his eyes sting. Which is pretty much all the time.

 

Then one day, out of the blue, Dustin comes running into his office,

 

“Best buddies emergence. Wardo needs us tonight”

 

“What happened?”, Mark asks, taking his headphones out.

 

“He’s had a fight with his girlfriend. He sounded miserable, so it’s probably serious”

 

Mark doesn’t come even close to thinking that it’s a good idea for _him_ to comfort a heart broken Eduardo, in fact he knows chances are he’ll make it a thousand times worse. But it’s his duty as a friend, a friend that Eduardo now _trusts, finally._ So he goes, praying to all the gods he doesn’t believe in.

 

At Chris’s place, there’s Wardo sitting with his shoulders curved and Chris listening patiently. There’s a couple of empty beer cans and Mark wonders if Eduardo’s had them all. Dustin goes to him and pets his shoulder and Mark nods. Wardo’s eyes are red and Mark can’t tell if it’s from drinking or if he’s been crying.

 

“She doesn’t want a relationship at distance anymore”, Wardo announces. Dustin tightens his lips in sympathy. Eduardo proceeds, filling them in about the details that he’d just told Chris.

 

Apparently, the girl had always complained about it, because she believed Eduardo could perfectly do his business from here, that there was nothing holding him to Singapore, so she never understood his reasons to be there. In fact, she had the opinion that he would do better in New York.

 

When Chris asks Eduardo how he stood about it, Eduardo says that he had built a life in Singapore, even if it was just a professional life, so it was unfair that she demanded it from him.

 

Then, Chris gently asks,

 

“But doesn’t this distance relationship bother you?”

 

Eduardo looks surprisingly caught of guard. It takes him a solid moment to respond,

 

“Well, yeah, but…”, he stops, lips curling in frustration, as if he had a complicated mathematic problem in front of him and Mark’s suddenly pissed,

 

“What’s your priority?”

 

Everyone turns to him and Eduardo’s frowning,

 

“What?”

 

Mark knows he’s losing it, he’s mixing things, bringing old, personal stuff into this, but for once he’s giving up control and for once he _doesn’t care._

“Priorities, Eduardo. You’ve got to keep yours in mind, or risk screwing everything _again”_

 

Dustin’s eyes are wide like a puppy’s, Chris is sending him _that_ look that makes Mark feel ashamed of himself and Eduardo…

 

Mark turns and leaves before the shock in Wardo’s face turns into something like _hate_ and Mark just can’t have that.

 

He steps into the first room that comes into his view, it’s a guest room judging from its emptiness, and _fuck, fuck, fuck._

He really did it this time. It’s over. Eduardo’s probably done with him now. He’s been a _shitty_ friend, throwing his own _shit_ on his face when Eduardo needed help, needed support from his friends. Wardo was miserable and Mark came and made him feel even worse for no reason at all.

 

Mark can’t recall the last time he felt like this, like crap. Actually, he can. It was that night long ago when he watched security walk right behind Eduardo, Sean’s victorious smirk and everyone’s horrified looks.

 

Mark feels ashamed, feels like he’s just given a show of hysteria, but above it all it’s unbearable to know that he’s been a _jerk_ and is standing here, doing nothing. He almost feels Eduardo’s disgust growing every second.

 

Making his mind to fix things, Mark’s just turning back when Eduardo suddenly walks into the room and they almost collide. He takes a moment to look at Mark. His eyes are burning, his jaw is tight but his face is blank; this is beyond rage, it’s more dangerous and Mark shivers.

 

“What did you mean back there, Mark?”, he asks, voice low and cutting, and Mark doesn’t know what to do, can’t look straight at him. He can’t answer this question, not without compromising their friendship even further, and he doesn’t intend to, so he sticks to his first plan.

 

“I’m sorry. I said bullshit, leave it, I’m sorry”, he says in his usual, neutral tone, hands in his pocket and still looking at some point beyond Eduardo’s shoulder.

 

Next thing Mark knows, he’s roughly pressed against the wall, hands on his arms keeping him there and Eduardo’s face mere inches from his.

 

“I don’t care for your excuses, this time I want to know what _the fuck_ did you mean”, and _shit,_ he’s deadly calm and Mark squirms, it’s involuntary, but enough for Eduardo’s hand to tighten their hold on his arms.

 

That’s it. Mark knows to recognize when he’s trapped and there’s only one way now. He forces himself to meet Eduardo’s dark, piercing eyes.

 

“I was referring to the time when you didn’t stay when I asked you to, so I came to the conclusion that you weren’t interested”

 

Eduardo studies him for a moment that feels long and that makes Mark feel exposed,  he can actually _feel_ the flush in his cheeks, but he holds it.

 

Next moment, Wardo’s lips are crushed against his.

 

Mark makes a surprised noise that’s muffled. He has an impulse of freeing his arms but Eduardo’s now holding his wrists, and his lips are moving over Mark’s, smooth but firm, and Mark opens for him and _God,_ Wardo’s lips are moving _into_ Mark’s, tongue searching into his mouth, licking up to the roof of his mouth and Mark can barely kiss back, because Eduardo’s taken control, kissing him with such passion (or is it anger?) that’s making Mark’s knees go weak with _want._ Still, he tries giving it back, tries putting into the kiss how stupidly much he wants this, and suddenly, Wardo groans, but it’s somewhat a frustrated sound. Mark wants to hold him closer, but Wardo won’t let go of his wrists and Mark’s struggling, and suddenly Eduardo parts.

 

He parts, but presses his forehead to Mark’s for a brief instant, his eyes closed, his lips a thin line, but Mark’s eyes are open. Mark’s dazzled by the kiss, he’s trembling head to toes, but he’s also sensing something wrong and starts feeling like he’s sinking.

 

Wardo steps back.

 

 _What the hell,_ Mark wants to say, but can’t bring himself to.

 

“This was totally stupid”, Eduardo announces, and Mark feels as if he’s been stabbed.

 

“Why?”, he manages, voice hoarse.

 

“Because it was! I’ve wanted this for so long I don’t even know, Mark, but I’ve learned the hard way this is not possible, ok?”

 

 “Why not?”, Mark stubbornly argues, even if he feels his strength slowly being drained from him.

 

“Stop pretending you don’t know, Mark. It’s unbecoming of you”, Eduardo’s throws at him and Mark flinches, but no biting answer comes to him, maybe because he knows Wardo’s right, or maybe because he’s just grown.

 

“I’ve wanted this too, you know. Since, well, I’ve lost count”, he says as if he’s talking about the weather, trying not to let desperation into his voice.

 

Eduardo’s eyes widen for a moment, before going soft, and he quietly says,

 

“I figured”

 

Mark thinks he’ll change his mind. He even steps closer, but stops and Mark panics and grabs his arm.

 

“The only a reason I see for us not to go on is if you don’t want it. But judging from what just happened, I don’t think it’s the case. We’ll deal with the rest”

 

Eduardo shakes his head,

 

“Stop it, Mark. Stop reaching conclusions on your own, this isn’t just about what you want”

 

Then, a deep sorrow takes over Wardo’s face,

 

“I shouldn’t have done that”

 

Mark tries to ignore the pain on his chest, his curling insides, but Eduardo’s pulling his arm back and Mark isn’t letting him, and since when did he become so _clingy,_ but eventually Eduardo frees himself and leaves.


	3. Mark&Eduardo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t you dare implying that you were easy to read, Mark. You… come here”

When Eduardo lands back in Singapore two days after his incident with Mark, he’s feeling worse than crap. He’s so full of angst it’s even hard to breath properly. His chest feels too tight, and every bit of air he sucks in just makes it ache more.

 

This level of anxiety isn’t news for Eduardo. He’s used to dealing with it since he was a kid. Whenever emotion is involved, he’s easily overwhelmed, and that’s why he’d started therapy in first place. He’s been to a couple of therapists that sucked, until he met the one that accompanied him through high school and college.

 

He’s still deciding if his current one is good; he’s been with her for six months, because he started looking for treatment as soon as he settled in the new country. Eduardo knows from experience that in order to decide if a therapist is worth it, you have to give him (or her) time.

 

His mother once asked Eduardo if he talked about the dilutions and the lawsuit with the therapist.

 

Of course he did.

 

But she would be surprised if she found out how little Mark’s betrayal meant in comparison to the emotional turmoil that Mark’s mere presence in Eduardo’s life already caused.

 

Now, at college, Eduardo had already gone through hell when he mentioned therapy. Even his closest friends teased him, though Eduardo knew they didn’t mean any harm. It was just that, at college, most people just don’t have the maturity required to seek treatment, or the patience to keep on it.

 

Dustin, for instance, teased Eduardo enough, without even knowing that at least fifty percent of his therapy time was dedicated to talking about Mark.

 

So, Mark was an issue long before he decided that going behind Eduardo’s back wasn’t such a bad idea.

 

The problem with Mark was that he made Eduardo feel left behind long before he actually voiced the words. Mark had this way of leaving people with the feeling that they have to catch up with him, which Erica had perfectly described. It had something to do with his brilliant mind, yes, but it had also something to do with Mark’s selfishness, with his refusal to go out of his way. Eduardo remembers a good part of his college life being spent waiting for Mark. Waiting because Mark was either late or just forgot their meeting, waiting for him to finish coding, waiting for him to snap out of his little world and explain what’s on his mind or else no one would ever get it.

 

 

Eduardo often got complimented for being the only one able to put up with Mark. The compliment often came in the shape of _you make a beautiful couple._ Even Dustin, the traitor, with Chris laughs backing him up, used to do it, and that was before he found out Eduardo actually liked Mark (Dustin had abruptly stopped the teasing then, and weeks later, Mark had turned to him with a smirk, _so, is my marriage with Wardo over or what?_ , making Dustin almost choke on his beer and say, _well, Wardo has Christy now, sorry, Marky, you’ll have to find yourself a new handsome male,_ earning an awful glare from Mark, the kind that usually meant that servers would crash).

 

And ok, Eduardo could actually see the appeal; he was always around and Mark let him. If someone asked Eduardo how it had started, he couldn’t tell the exact point. It was somewhere between Eduardo’s patient nature and Mark’s usual withdrawal; somewhere between Eduardo’s kind insistence and Mark’s quiet expectation. Mark let Eduardo into his world and everyone that knew Mark could tell he only did what he really meant to. And he let Eduardo in deeper than anyone else.

 

But he did it his own way. By his rules.

 

And Eduardo only made it easier by yielding all the time.

 

It’s not that Eduardo went against his will. In fact, he would have done it all over again. He just… for him, it was easy to be there for Mark. They fit, that’s all.

 

But Eduardo often wonders how things would have turned if he had gone against Mark more times.

 

Would Mark still be his friend?

 

When Eduardo found out about 0,03%, he thought: _here’s my answer._

The only time in his life he said no, Mark crushed him.

 

And then, out of the blue, Mark’s back into his life. It doesn’t really startle Eduardo that he’s forgiven Mark. Eduardo never really hated him; he had spent the three years trying not to think of him, because thinking of Mark hurt like hell.

 

But he can’t shake the feeling that he’s giving in too easily yet again. Mark wants his friendship back? Eduardo gives it right away. Mark suddenly reveals that he wants _him_? Eduardo goes and almost gives it too without as much as blinking, without even taking a minute to consider what he’s been telling himself (he didn’t even mention it to his therapist yet) since he let Mark back into his life: that he can’t risk losing himself again.

 

And Mark… Mark’s always had this power of making Eduardo completely lose himself, without the two of them even having to kiss, and…

 

… _shit. They kissed. They kissed and the intensity was such that Eduardo can feel himself flush and tremble at the mere memory._

Eduardo kissed Mark because Mark pretty much confessed he wanted it and it was too much. He let himself go with the moment even if his anger had been put into the kiss, leaving Mark’s lips red and swollen afterwards.

 

Still, the uneasiness didn’t leave him. The feeling that if he went on with that, he would eventually be damned.

 

_That he shouldn’t trust Mark._

 

Eduardo gets home and sleeps for ten hours. Then he texts Chris and Dustin because he scared the shit out of them when he flew the apartment. Eduardo tells them he’s alive and they know better than asking more, at least for now.

 

Then he calls his girlfriend and they break up, because he tells her the truth.  He could never lie to her, and most of all he could never ask her to wait until he gets Mark _out of his head._

_Mark._

_Looking up at him with anticipation even as Eduardo kept him pinned against a wall._

_Making Eduardo drown in an ocean of darkened blue, before gathering courage (or was it cowardice) enough to resurface and deny it._

And Eduardo finally lets his mind play with the idea (no, it’s a fact) that Mark has feelings for him.

 

_Fuck, he dreamed of it pretty much through his whole college years._

It’s not as if he didn’t have a clue. It’s just that by the time Eduardo started to suspect it, Mark was simultaneously fixated on thefacebook project and it was just impossible to keep up with whatever was playing on his mind.

 

So what if the first thing he did after coding was turning around from his desk chair and look for Eduardo? (and so what if Mark smiled when he saw him, all sleepy eyes and sometimes dimples?)

 

So what if Mark insisted on explaining his work in detail to Eduardo, even if he had Dustin, who could actually understand it?

 

So what if the only person Mark allowed to drag him back to reality was Eduardo?

 

And so fucking what if Eduardo was the only one who could touch him without making Mark flinch?

 

Eduardo allows himself a moment of giving in to wonderings. What if he had made a move then? Would things have turned out different?

 

Or would he have now a broken heart as a cherry on top of it?

_He didn’t even apologize._

Eduardo knows he’s been sort of a jerk. He contemplates writing Mark an apology. After all, it was his initiative, and Eduardo… He wonders how it’ll affect their friendship. The thought of seeing Mark again is painful, but the thought of _not seeing_ Mark anymore is unbearable.

 

He knows how ‘I’m sorry’ might sound. _I’m sorry I hurt you,_ or is it, _I’m sorry I kissed you?_ But Eduardo can’t just sit with arms crossed and do nothing. So he goes with _I’m sorry. I want us to be ok,_ even if he knows he’s far, far from that.

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

People think he codes to escape reality, but Mark knows better. It’s the other way around. He escapes reality because he codes. Because coding is something (the only thing) that completely captures his mind to the point of making him oblivious to his surroundings.

 

So when Mark enters his office the day after the _incident,_ Dustin shouldn’t be looking at him as if he shouldn’t be here. Never mind that he saw Mark broken to a thousand pieces only a few hours ago; Dustin should know that Mark’s work keeps him sane. It’s not weird that he’s here.

 

It’s certainly not weird that when Mark finds out there’s no work to be done, he demands not to be disturbed, because he intends to sit his ass down and think. And it’s not weird when half an hour later he’s come up with a new idea.

 

What is actually weird is that his idea sort of involves reconfiguration of a few things, like, the whole Facebook dynamics.  Mark knows he probably won’t use the code. He just needs to write it, because it’ll take, like, months to be done. Weeks, if he works really hard. That’s exactly what he needs.

 

Because there’s nothing else he can do.

 

That’s what he told Chris and Dustin, after Eduardo _ran away_ and the two kept staring at Mark with such disturbance that Mark actually felt bad for them. So, he said,

 

_We kissed. Wardo regrets it. That’s all. I’ll deal with it._

And that’s precisely what he’s doing.

 

It had been hard enough convincing Dustin that _no, he couldn’t chase Wardo and demand anything from him._ It’d be ridiculous; this is between Mark and Eduardo. Actually, this is about what _isn’t_ between them, and as far as Mark’s concerned, it’s the end of the story.

Now, Dustin’s being insufferable, peeking over Mark’s office door every thirty minutes, sometimes even asking if Mark needs anything, until Mark barks at him to stay out and locks his door.

 

He’s just gone through lunch break without as much as moving from his place, when his phone vibes with a new message.

 

 _I’m sorry. I want us to be ok,_ Eduardo says, and it _kills_ Mark, it’s like living the scene all over again. Mark’s overwhelmed with a mix of sorrow, helplessness and blinding anger. He lets himself cling to fury for a while.

 

_Why the fuck did Eduardo have to do this if he wasn’t over his doubts?_

Mark doesn’t even know if Eduardo still wants this; Eduardo sounded as if he was trapped in the past, as if his mind kept him there. He even talked in past tense, said that he _wanted Mark for too long._

 

What if it was just a mistake?

Mark wants to answer _fuck you._ He wants to write _no, we’re not ok. I know you feel that a little pretense in relationships doesn’t hurt, but I don’t do games. It’s not ok._

But this is Wardo.

 

Mark wants him in his life.

 

He can’t help recalling what he said to Erica: _I don’t want to be friends._

_Damn, Wardo._ Mark can’t do this to him. It would be so much easier if he could.

 

But Eduardo's reaction spoke volumes about his level of trust towards Mark. What happened was that their relationship was put to proof and Eduardo backed off. That’s why, going against his screaming insides, Mark calls him without even knowing what to say.

 

Eduardo picks at the first call.

 

“Hey”, he answers, relief clear in his tone.

 

“Hey”

 

There’s awkward silence, which Mark dreads but knew there would be, and then the two are talking at the same time,

 

“Will you come to…

 

“I’m sorry”

 

Mark tightens his jaw.

 

“I know. We can drop it now”

 

“Mark…”, Wardo says and it’s a plea, and Mark doesn’t know what to do with it. Thankfully, Eduardo goes on,

 

“I… I didn’t want to hurt you”

 

Mark keeps quiet, though Eduardo can probably hear his hard breath.

 

“Mark, are you there?”

 

“Yeah, what do you want to hear? I don’t want your stupid apologies, Eduardo. I just want to drop it. Can we?”, and the sentence had started angrily, but it ends with an edge of despair and Mark hates it.

 

He can hear Eduardo sucking a good amount of air. There’s another silence that feels like hours.

 

“What did you want to ask?”, Eduardo finally speaks, his tone hard, unreadable.

 

“I want to know if you’ll come next month. It’s Chris’s birthday”

 

 “Huh? Yeah, ok, I’m coming”, Eduardo’s quick to reply, and he’s about to add something, but Mark interrupts,

 

“Awesome”, he says, not bothering to hide the bitterness, then adds, “I need to go, then”

 

“Mark… Ok. Bye, then”

 

Mark ends the call before anything else can be said and sits back on his desk chair, releasing a breath. When he finds that he just can’t swallow down the knot in his throat, he goes back to work.

 

There’ll be enough time to think when he gets home. Enough time to feel guilty for yelling at Wardo, and at the same time, knowing he did his best. At least he _did something,_ something to make sure they keep in touch, to make sure Eduardo doesn't slip away _this time._

 

Mark firmly ignores the feeling that Eduardo might want to slip away, that he'll eventually realize it.

 

For now, though, he's wired in, and if it's past midnight when he leaves the office, well, Mark didn't notice. When he's driving back home, Dustin calls to check on him, and when he finds Mark's still out, he gets worried. Mark doesn't tell him on his new project, as it would only get Dustin even more neurotic.

 

Next day, early evening, everyone's finishing work and Mark longs for the silence that'll take the offices once it's all empty, when Dustin comes in, circling Mark's desk, asking what's up in a terrible attempt of sounding casual, and Mark only has to raise an eyebrow for Dustin to spit it,

 

“We'll watch The Godfather tonight, I've called Chris. That'll cheer you up. I intend on going through the whole trilogy this time, no falling asleep.”

Mark's eyes are back to the screen.

 

“You're watching. I'm staying, there's still too much to be done.”

Dustin leans over his shoulder, trying to take a look at his work.

 

“Watcha doing? There's been nothing so big to be fixed and you haven't shared any news with me.”

Mark quickly closes his laptop.

 

“It's no big deal. Listen, Dustin, call it off. I'm not in the mood today.”

Dustin stays right where he is, that is, on Mark's personal space. Mark turns with a look that he hopes will express his disliking, but Dustin's got his _You don't frighten me, Zuckerberg, for I've already cleaned your vomit  innumerous times_ look.

 

“Have you and Wardo spoken?”

 

“Yes”, Mark says in his best _so what_ tone.

 

“And?”

 

Mark shrugs,

 

“He's coming to Chris's birthday”

 

That seems to calm him, because Dustin nods and turns to leave, not without telling Mark to take care and not overwork.

 

When Mark throws himself on his bed, it's past 3am.

 

Eventually, life comes back to claim him. Mark has to abandon his coding in favor of attending meetings, reunions, events. Mark's never ran from his duties and he's not about to start it now. But it's becoming harder and harder. His mind is a mess, he keeps forgetting things, loses focus when people are talking to him and even his ability to think properly has slowed down. There's something weighing him down and Mark can't quite put his finger on it. Sure, he knows the thing with Eduardo affected him greatly, but still, it's like there's something else going on, that's probably subtle but that's been nagging him.

 

Then one of his email contacts forwards Mark pictures of a paradisiacal beach called Bora-Bora, and Mark's first thought is, _Wardo'll go crazy._

 

That's when Mark realizes.

 

He won't forward this to Eduardo.

 

They're not ok.

 

And then, he's being showered with awareness. Mark realizes that every time his cell vibes, he hopes is a Wardo message, because the two of them had been exchanging texts on a daily basis. That his house phone is unusually quiet, because Eduardo used to be the only one to always call him (most people know better than doing it).

 

Mark scrolls down his messages from Eduardo. They used to be random things, like, _did you manage to dodge Chris and that boring reunion,_ or, _please, don't tell me your lunch was tuna alone, at least put it inside the bread, and a tomato wouldn’t hurt._

 

Shit. Did he lose it, too? Now that he'd just gotten it back?

 

And at some point, Mark ends up letting his friends do their jobs, which is, dragging him out, gathering at his place and getting him drunk. Then one day, Mark is startled by how much he _wants to talk about what happened._ It used to be something he dreaded; talking about something for no other purpose than just letting it out. But in this particular night he’s slightly buzzed and Chris and Dustin are just _there,_ no pressure, and Mark tells them his fear that now things are fucked up for good, that things between Eduardo and him will stay weird forever. Mark doesn’t mention his other fears.

 

But then again, he’s already fairly shocked at what life’s experiences can do to one’s sense of pride.

 

* * * * *

 

When Eduardo tries to explain the reasons for his attitude towards Mark in his therapy, it comes out sort of stupid.

 

“I can’t be with him because he suddenly decided it may be a good idea.”

It sounds like fucking _pride._ Why else would he be denying himself something that he clearly wants?

 

Then she asks, “Do you trust him?”

 

Eduardo’s first impulse is to say “Sure I do”. The first thing that comes to his mind is that day, when Mark had looked up at Eduardo and his blue eyes were so earnest, they were _crystal clear_ and full of expectance. All Eduardo’s instincts had pushed him towards Mark. He hadn’t even blinked before leaning down and kissing him.

 

But now, with the heat of the moment gone and cold rationality getting in, it’s another story.

 

Eduardo can’t, he just _can’t_ shake from his mind the image he has made of Mark after the depositions, the image of a manipulative and opportunist guy, who had Eduardo wrapped around his finger and had taken full advantage of it.

Eduardo built this picture of Mark very carefully, and it has been his shield. A Mark who is cold by nature would have done it to anyone, not particularly to Eduardo.  Not because Eduardo isn’t worth it. That’s comforting, in a way.

 

But Mark came to him, wishing for reconciliation, and it made Eduardo so full of joy. It actually frightens Eduardo how quickly the both of them are back to their previous roles, back to those old dynamics, the unique way things function between them.

 

Eduardo can’t have that, no matter how much he wants it.

 

He can’t have himself giving in all the time, forgetting all about _everything_ every time Mark’s attention is focused on him for more than one goddamn minute.

 

Eduardo feels like he’s just holding his ground with all he’s got, afraid of falling and not being able to stand this time.

 

Time drags itself to the day of Chris’s party. It’s taking place at Chris’s, which is a large house, decorated with his ridiculously good taste. Obviously Chris is a popular guy and when Eduardo gets there, a little late, the place is crowded with people chatting and good music playing. Eduardo  Chris and lets him go to his innumerous guests.

 

Eduardo’s eyes scan the place for familiar faces. Across the room, there are a couple of guys who studied with him at Harvard. They’re standing in front of a big sofa, where, looking closer, Eduardo sees Dustin and Mark all spread. The four of them seem engaged in good old memories; when Eduardo reaches the group, someone’s probably just finished a joke, as everyone’s laughing hard.

 

They all look at him and smile. Dustin stands to hug him. But Mark’s face goes so awfully pale Eduardo feels bad. He’s nervous himself, but he wasn’t expecting it from Mark.

 

Eduardo thinks it’s the obvious tension weighing in the air that causes the two guys to eventually excuse themselves. Dustin looks so out of place Eduardo takes pity on him; he’s obviously deciding if he should leave or not. Dustin shrugs and comments on the good food and good music, and starts babbling about how Chris’s boyfriend Sean now gets all his attention. Eduardo nods and Mark doesn’t even try to hide he’s not listening. Eventually, Dustin goes quiet and the three of them keep where they are, just watching the party.

 

This is _so new._

Eduardo’s presence clearly upsets Mark, and yet, he’s still here. He still hasn’t made any biting remarks. Mark doesn’t stay for distressing situations unless he’s absolutely forced to.  And he’ll always find a way to make others aware of his displeasure. But he does nothing except being quiet and looking _sad._

It’s driving Eduardo insane.

 

The hours go by and they talk to some more acquaintances. Mark and Dustin talk to some people that Eduardo assumes are from Facebook’s staff. Chris comes and goes.

 

Eduardo and Mark don’t exchange any words. Just stolen, nervous glances.

 

Then, Eduardo finds out he won’t be able to sleep at Dustin’s, because a couple of people are already crashing there. Chris, no need to say, also has too many guests that are sleeping over.

 

“Come to my place”, Mark shrugs.

 

Eduardo goes.

 

When Mark drives them back, the sun’s just about to rise. Eduardo’s chest got tighter and tighter during the night from not speaking with him and now things are the same, except they’re sitting side by side. There’s only a muttered thanks when Mark opened the door from his car to Eduardo and a small nod when he did the same with his apartment door.

 

Mark steps into his house, turns the lights on and looks at Eduardo, his face unreadable.

 

“Do you want to take a shower? I can get you a towel.”

 

“I… yes, please.”

 

Mark nods and gestures for Eduardo to follow. They walk upstairs and get to the hallway. Mark disappears into a room, but comes out in a moment with a towel.

 

“You remember where the guest room is?”

 

Eduardo does, but he _has to keep any small talk on._

“Is it that one? Second door to the left?” he points.

 

“Exactly.”

 

Silence. Eduardo panics. He opens his mouth but Mark’s speaking again,

 

“So, if you need anything, I’ll be in my room. When you wake up, there’s orange juice and other fruits that you like in the fridge.”

 

Eduardo swallows a lump in his throat.

 

“You won’t be here when I wake? It’s Sunday.”

 

Mark shrugs.

 

“I… I’ll probably be in the office.”

 

Eduardo raises an eyebrow.

 

“There’s this new idea I’m working on.”

 

Eduardo waits for Mark to develop it, but Mark doesn’t; he keeps his gaze fixed on the wall behind Eduardo.

 

“Well, good night then.”

 

“Good night”, Eduardo mumbles, watching Mark disappear into his bedroom.

 

He can’t sleep. It feels as if someone came and shook him, hard, reordering his brain.

 

What was he expecting?

 

Cold mockery. Humiliation, maybe.

 

Eduardo has known Mark’s sharp tongue, his unawareness of other people’s needs and Mark’s general _I don’t care_ posture that borders rudeness. During the depositions, Eduardo had suffered with Mark’s self-centered attitude more than ever, as Mark insisted on looking at him cross the table, as if _Eduardo was the one betraying him_ , go figure.

 

The truth, however, is that Mark never was this person that haunts his mind.

 

Now, though, Eduardo takes a time to work with _facts;_ he thinks of the way Mark’s been acting with him. Spending hours on the phone, which Eduardo knows he _hates._ Going to the beach. Doing small talk and seeming actually _happy_ about it.

 

Eduardo finally sleeps while wondering what would happen if he actually believed that Mark’s changed. A little. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be Mark.

 

He wakes up in the afternoon and goes downstairs. Mark’s there, laptop on his knees. He looks up. Eduardo smiles at him. Mark doesn’t smile back; only stares for an awkward moment until Eduardo breaks the silence.

 

“Did you eat?”

 

Mark shakes his head.

 

“I’ll make us something then.”

 

Eduardo grabs the toaster, makes coffee and eggs and fills two plates and two glasses with orange juice. They eat in silence. Mark picks at his food.

 

“When’s your flight?”, he asks, sipping his drink.

 

“Have to go after breakfast.”

 

Mark nods. Eduardo washes the plates and cleans the sink under his gaze. Then he goes upstairs to grab his things that are already packed. Mark’s waiting for him at the door.

 

But instead of heading to the door, Eduardo stops and seems stuck on his place, looking at Mark.

 

_The urge to hold him is overwhelming. Shit, his head is a mess._

 

Mark’s staring back with his most unimpressed look. For the first time, though, Eduardo sees right through him.

 

He sighs and makes himself move.

 

* * * * *

 

Mark can’t numb his pain with coding.

 

It’s not working anymore.

 

His mother, who’s a psychiatrist, told him that not being able to run from reality is a proof of maturity.

 

Right now, Mark doesn’t give a fuck.

 

There’s nothing he can do. What’s he supposed to do? Go home and cry? His life can’t stop just because he’s _so fucking in love with someone who doesn’t reciprocate._ He should be able to deal with it. Mark’s never heard of someone who died from it. This is ridiculous.

 

Eduardo’s ridiculous.

 

If he doesn’t want it, why does he keep looking at Mark with huge, searching eyes?

 

_Why can’t they just go back to what they were?_

Mark thinks he’s made it clear that things can go back to normal. But Eduardo, he’s just…

 

It’s like he pities Mark.

 

Is that why he won’t call or text him anymore? Is that why he looked so lost when they met?

 

Does he think Mark is so fucking _fragile_ that he’ll break into pieces if he gets too close?

 

Mark’s in his office, it’s nearing 4am on a Monday morning and he’s had a couple of beers. Maybe more than that.

 

Maybe that’s why he grabs his phone in a rush of anger and texts Eduardo.

 

_Fuck you, Wardo. Fuck. I don’t know what the hell’s going on your head that’s driving you away, but I just don’t want to lose you, ok?_

Mark contemplates going home, but decides against that. A couple of hour passes as he surfs the internet and checks his emails. The sun’s rising outside and his phone won’t vibe. The alcohol’s probably left his system, because Mark starts wondering if what he did was a good idea.

 

Suddenly, the door to his office is being spread open. Mark swills on his chair and Eduardo’s walking in, coming in his direction, his face pretty determined. Mark can’t believe his eyes, thinks he must be hallucinating, but then Eduardo leans down and wraps his arms around Mark.

 

The first reaction is shock, and Mark hates not knowing what’s going on, so he instinctively struggles, but Wardo’s grip is deadly firm, and all Mark manages is to look up at his face. Eduardo’s lips are tight, his eyes impossibly dark.

 

“God, Mark, you didn’t lose me, you’ll never lose me. How could you even think…”, Eduardo angrily says, hic voice close to Mark’s ear, and Mark’s lips tighten. He can smell Eduardo all around, feel the warmth of his body, and being held like this is too much.

 

“Wardo”, he calls, his voice small and broken, even as his arms go around Eduardo’s back. Then something’s coming up against Mark’s will and he’s trembling, attempting to muffle it, but it’s worse because it causes him to sob. It’s all useless, and Mark tries to part, go, but Eduardo keeps him there, wrapping him tighter, burying his head on Mark’s curls, running a soothing hand over Mark’s back until Mark can do nothing but let go.

 

Mark can’t remember the last time he cried like this, so helplessly.

 

Eduardo’s arms don’t loosen for even a second. But once Mark’s eyes have dried, he parts from the embrace.

 

Wardo’s looking at him, his eyes full of affection and concern, slowly lowering his hand from where it rested over Mark’s head. His runs his thumbs through Mark’s cheeks, drying the remaining wetness.

 

“I don’t want to lose you either, Mark. And I’m sorry I’ve been acting strange. I’m… confused right now. I need you to give me time to sort myself out.”, Wardo says, his gaze lowered, conflict showing clearly in his tone.

 

Mark finds himself washed with mixed feelings. There’s a wave of relief that he and Wardo are finally _communicating._ There’s also an edge of hope which makes Mark hold his breath, because Eduardo’s words sound like a possibility. Mark tries not to let it overwhelm him, so that he doesn’t do anything stupid like trying to pressure Eduardo. 

 

Anyway, Mark’s too exhausted, too _drained_ to do anything but nod right now. It makes Wardo smile at him. It’s a smile that carries pain, though. Mark smiles back anyway, knowing his own is probably not much better. He notices Eduardo’s eyes scanning the office, probably taking in the several cans of beer.

 

“Keys, Mark. I’m driving you.”, he asks, extending his hand.

 

Mark gives him and stands on his feet, trying not to lose balance. Eduardo reaches for him and Mark waves him off, trying to ignore the way Eduardo’s eyes go wide and hurt.

 

He really doesn’t want to deal with Wardo’s proximity again right now.

 

Eduardo seems to get the message, though, because he doesn’t try anything else even at Mark’s clear unsteadiness.

 

It’s only when Eduardo’s already driving them that Mark recovers coherence and asks,

 

“How come you’re here?”

 

“I canceled my flight yesterday. I couldn’t make myself leave. I didn’t know what to do. When I got your message, I was going to call you but Dustin called me and told me you were here. He let me into the offices.”

 

Mark nods and turns his eyes back to the road ahead.

 

Once they get into his house, Eduardo accompanies to his bedroom and Mark just lets him. Ridding himself of flip flops and hoodie, Mark throws himself on the bed. Eduardo’s standing by the door. He hesitates a little before saying,

 

“I’ll go, ok? Sleep well, Mark.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s 7am and you haven’t slept a bit. Get a room.”

 

“I have to fly today, though.”

 

“So do it.”

 

Wardo nods, looking truly tired. When he leaves, Mark’s so exhausted he’s out in a minute.

 

Mark wakes to the sound of Wardo’s voice on the phone downstairs. He blinks at the clock; it’s little past noon. He finds Eduardo in the kitchen, slicing tomatoes, probably to make his famous spaghetti sauce.

 

“Hey”, he smiles at Mark.

 

Mark mumbles something in reply, still blinking the sleep out. He never quite gets how Eduardo manages to be so full of energy as soon as he wakes. But it’s comforting to wake up to the sounds of him cooking and his attempts of cheering Mark up.

 

“My flight is in the early evening.”, he informs, now concentrated on slicing onions.

 

Mark knows he doesn’t really get a say on this, so he nods. Wardo looks up a moment from his task.

 

“I’ll come more times.”, he states, not as a promise, more like casual, like it’s a fact.

 

After lunch, Mark calls the office. Since there’s nothing that particularly needs his intervention, he informs he’ll be staying home. Eduardo almost falls hard on the floor and refuses to let Mark skip work on his account until Mark has to tell him that’s not because of him, it’s because Mark’s hangover. That gets Wardo to shut up. 

 

They spend the afternoon watching movies. Mark keeps making sarcastic remarks not only because he really is a criticizer by nature, but also because he knows Eduardo loves it. He easily makes Eduardo laugh as much as he wants, and that’s really just amazing. Mark thinks of other things he wants from Eduardo, and it’s terribly painful to imagine he may never have them. But he’d do anything to keep what he already has, because he can’t even estimate the worth of it. He thinks of everything Wardo and him have been through, and feels suddenly grateful that they got so far.

 

He drives Wardo to the airport. Mark wants to ask him when he’ll come next, if he intends on visiting during the holidays that are coming. He doesn’t want to pressure, though. But after Wardo has checked in and they still have an hour, they sit in coffee shop and Eduardo tells him he’ll be in Miami for Christmas, so New Year’s is theirs.

 

Mark hides his smile into his mug of cappuccino.

 

When it’s time to go, Wardo hugs him. Mark tries not to be too tense when it lasts a little more than a regular hug would. Not that he knows much about those. He’s not complaining, anyway.

 

* * * * *

  

Eduardo perfectly knows he’s far from being over his insecurities towards Mark.

 

Even when Mark came to him and ‘apologized’ in his own awkward way, Eduardo knew he’d need time to trust him again, because the blow had been too strong. So, a part of him was still waiting for some kind of reassurance that Mark _cared._

Eduardo had never, ever wished for what he experienced, though.

 

Had he ever in his life seen Mark just _break_ like this?

 

Sometimes, during the depositions, between his humiliating comments and cold stares, Mark looked down; lost, even, as if he could shatter any minute. But never actually broken.

 

Had Eduardo ever dreamed that it would affect him as well, as if he was the one hurting?

 

Yeah, he probably had.

 

He’s so stupidly happy he’s got Mark back, though. They reconnected yet again and it feels like their bond’s gotten even stronger.

 

Eduardo misses him _so fucking much._ That brings him to the unsolved issue between them.

 

Mark has made it clear what he wants. Eduardo’s the problem. Right?

 

Eduardo doesn’t think he’s being difficult on purpose. He also doesn’t think it’d be a problem to go visit, as he promised he would. It doesn’t have to wait a whole month until the holidays.

 

He has a busy week, trying to get things done so that his Friday is free. When Mark calls (because they are back to their previous routine of calling each other almost every day, even when there’s absolutely nothing to say), Eduardo announces he’s coming for the weekend and he can actually _hear_ Mark’s smirk, even as Mark tries to hide his excitement with rushed words about picking him at the airport.

 

Eduardo goes, willing his dark thoughts to just let him be. For once in his life, he’d like to do what he wants without second thoughts.

 

It turns out they have a great weekend. Mark picks him and they go straight to his house. Since it’s little after noon, Mark has to go back to the office, but Eduardo was jetlagged anyway and needed a nap. To his neverending (and even scary) surprise, Mark comes back little past 6pm. They order pizza and watch TV with cold beer. Next day, Mark works from home until middle afternoon, which, according to Dustin, who stops by later, means the zombie apocalypse’s probably at their doors. Eduardo recalls the last time he was here, when Mark skipped a whole day of work to stay with him, and thinks Dustin might be mistaken.

 

His flight is on Sunday, at night. They wake up early to enjoy the day, taking a walk through the beach, even if it’s freezing outside (because Eduardo whined and Mark yielded), stop for lunch and get home in time for a small rest before going to the airport.

 

Mark’s spread over the coach next to him, blinking sleepily at the TV. Eduardo knows Mark probably catches up with his sleep on weekends, so waking up early must have been hard for him. His cheeks are flushed from their walk under the sun and Eduardo wants to sink his hands in those curls.

 

With his heart pounding, Eduardo realizes his doubts have quieted down. Being with Mark means many things: it’s exciting, funny, comforting, unnerving even, sometimes. But hasn’t it always been like that? Isn’t it what had dragged Eduardo to him, in first place? And right here, right now, Eduardo knows that despite all that happened, nothing’s changed. They overcame it. By every moment, Eduardo grows more certain of what he wants, with all his heart.

 

And the thought is thrilling, and Mark’s right beside him.

 

“Mark”, he calls, sort of breathless, and Mark turns, eyes questioning, those icy blue eyes that drag Eduardo into them. Mark blinks, now sounding confused, and Eduardo reaches for his hand, intertwining their fingers. Mark looks at him, and suddenly, his eyes widen with realization, before narrowing down,

 

“Wardo, are you _sure?_ ”

 

Eduardo moves closer, squeezing his hand,

 

“Mark, I… Yeah, yes, I am.”, he weakly says, barely able to put into words how sure he suddenly is. Still, he waits, because Mark’s eyes are looking searchingly into his, and Eduardo feels his face flush, but holds it anyway. He wants Mark to find whatever it’s he’s looking for.

 

Then, Mark squeezes his hand back and smiles, a small, nervous smile. Eduardo lifts his hands to cup Mark’s face and bring it closer to him. He presses their foreheads together and runs his thumbs through Mark’s cheeks, through his lips, and Mark looks at him in wonder before closing his eyes, leaning into the touch. Eduardo presses a kiss to each corner of his lips. Then, he leans in and kisses his mouth.

 

It’s completely different from last time. He’s not half as conflicted as before, and definitely not _angry,_ so it starts languidly, and their tongues instantly meet but they take their time to taste each other. Eduardo lets his sensed be slowly intoxicated with the heat of Mark’s mouth, his unique taste, the solid warmth of his body on Eduardo’s arms. Soon, it gets overwhelming, and Eduardo pulls him closer, pressing their bodies together and _fuck,_ it makes him groan, makes the kiss more urgent and he feels Mark responding, pressing his hips against Eduardo’s and gripping his shoulders with bruising force.

 

Eduardo pulls Mark until he’s straddling his lap, Mark’s thighs spread open. When Mark realizes where he is, he moans in the back of his throat, the sound muffled into their kiss. He starts kissing and licking Eduardo’s jaw, his neck and behind his ear and it’s so arousing Eduardo knows that if Mark couldn’t feel his hard on before, now he can.

 

Mark probably can, because he starts pressing down, encircling Eduardo’s neck and kissing him again. Eduardo’s going nearly insane with Mark on his lap producing that friction. He slips his hands under Mark’s hoodie, running them through Mark’s sides and Mark’s breath gets instantly faster, and he moans, _Wardo,_ and Eduardo holds him tighter, kisses him harder and moves his hips along with Mark’s until they are both panting, too breathless to kiss, just pressing against each other, Mark’s head thrown over Eduardo’s shoulder. Eduardo brings his hands to Mark’s head, burying them in his hair. He can feel he’s getting closer, and in a last flash of reason, before all coherence is gone, he delights himself that’s Mark here with him, making this soft, helpless noises because of _him,_ and Eduardo thinks the thought itself could make him come.

 

Eduardo feels Mark’s body tremble and holds him as he comes. He follows Mark almost immediately, coming with Mark’s mouth pressed against his cheek.

 

Before he can help it, Eduardo’s shaking with laughter.

 

“Wardo, you’ve totally killed the afterglows!”, Mark snaps, glaring.

 

“I’m sorry, Mark, it’s just that, we’ve just come in our pants like fifteen year olds!”

 

“Shut up, who cares”, Mark mutters, leaning in to kiss Eduardo again. It’s sloppy and wet and _hot,_ especially when Mark’s hands start wondering inside Eduardo’s buttoned shirt. Mark runs his fingers through Eduardo’s chest and Eduardo throws his head back. Mark seems to take it as a signal and buries his face in his throat, and it’s maddening how fucking delicious it feels. Eduardo’s making this embarrassing noises and it’s just unfair. He brings his hand to Mark’s nape, stroking the curls in there, pressing Mark’s head down, urging him to keep on. However, Mark slows his assaults and Eduardo thinks, _interesting._

 

Then he _pulls_ at the curls, enough to make Mark bend his neck, and Mark fucking _moans._

Eduardo straightens himself and doesn’t let go. He can’t see Mark’s face as it’s still bent over his neck, but Eduardo pulls, harder.

 

 _Wardo,_ Mark calls, voice  hoarse, and Eduardo nearly chokes.

 

_Mark likes it rough._

Finally, Mark looks at him through eyelashes, all narrowed eyes and blown pupils.

 

Eduardo instantly feels a giant wave of affection swelling his chest and he _doesn’t care if it kills the mood,_ he just pulls Mark to his chest.

 

“I always knew you were a big sap.”, Mark mutters, but goes too easily for someone who thinks so.

 

And now it’s Eduardo’s turn to say,

 

“Shut up and deal with it.”

This time Mark’s the one to laugh, and Eduardo happily feels the way his body shakes with it.

 

They’re quiet for a while, just enjoying the closeness.

 

Then, Mark lifts his head and looks at Eduardo, who recognizes softness on his expression only because he knows Mark better than anyone. Mark brings a hand to his face, gently stroking it. His eyes are soft but he’s serious, like he’s considering something. It sends shivers down Eduardo’s spine, to be the object of Mark’s undivided attention like this.

 

“May I ask what made you change your mind?” 

 

“I don’t know… I needed time, I guess. To get used to us, again. I don’t regret it, if that’s what you’re thinking. In fact, I never regretted it for real. I just couldn’t accept it, at first.”

 

“Why?”, Mark inquires, not in a demanding way as he usually does.

 

Eduardo’s unaware of the way he tightens his lips and frowns with the idea of telling Mark the ultimate truth of how he affects him. He finally concedes,

 

“I’m scared, Mark. Not of you. It frightens me the way I annihilate myself when I’m around you. I want you, but I don’t want to feel like this.”

 

Mark doesn’t say anything; he only stares, still caressing Eduardo’s face with the back of his hand. Eduardo’s in awe by this gentle side of Mark. But when he thinks better, he knows it’s not _so new_ as he thinks. It’s always been there in many ways, but he never allowed himself to believe it.

 

“Thank you for your honesty, Wardo. If… If there’s something I can do to help it, you’ll always tell me, right?”

 

Eduardo knows this is Mark’s way of saying, _I don’t want to make you feel bad. If I do, please inform me and I’ll try to change it._

Eduardo nods and feels lighter than he’s felt in a long, long time. He smiles at Mark and pulls him closer, kissing his forehead and enjoying the feel of him on his arms.

 

They exchange soft, slow kisses until it’s time to go to the airport. 

 

* * * * *

 

When he gets into work the next day, Mark fully intends on walking unnoticed towards his office. But Dustin’s probably been waiting for him at the front door, because that’s where he is when Mark enters the building. He’s instantly asking about Eduardo, which’s exactly what Mark wanted to avoid. It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell Dustin; it’s just that right now, he didn’t want to think about it, he just wanted to keep the warm feeling that’s settled inside him.

 

“We’re fine, Dustin”, he mutters, not even looking at his friend’s face. But when Dustin doesn’t say anything, Mark looks at him.

 

Dustin is totally amused.

 

“Oh my God, you two… you did it!”

 

“Shut up, Dustin”, Mark snaps, walking into his office and trying to slam the door on Dustin’s face, but Dustin forces his way in.

 

“You’re too obvious, Marky. Now spit it, I deserve to know after all the suffering you’ve put me through. Who topped?”

 

“Fuck off. We haven’t gotten there yet”

 

Dustin makes a thoughtful face,

 

“Yeah, makes sense. Wardo’s a gentleman.”

 

“Oh, and what am I? I dated Erica for months and we didn’t do it.”

 

Dustin gives a wicked chuckle,

“That’s probably just proof that you were fooling yourself with woman”

 

“That’s it. Get out, Dustin”, Mark growls, standing up to shove Dustin out if necessary, but Dustin’s already leaving between choked laughs.

 

He doesn’t need to know that Mark tried with Erica. He was nineteen, after all.

 

At night, which’s probably early morning in Asia, Wardo calls him, his voice sleepy from just waking up. Mark’s stupidly happy just from hearing his voice and from Eduardo’s tone, Mark assumes he feels the same. They talk of nothing in particular, just their plans for the week or movies to watch, the usual stuff. It’s like everything’s the same, except now they’re allowed to say things like _miss you,_ or, _dreamed we were making out._ And the tone of their voices; that has changed, too. It carries more intimacy, more affection. It occurs to Mark how dearly he’d wished for this, how he had kept himself from showing Wardo how much he actually…

 

 _Get a hold of yourself, Zuckerberg,_ Mark scolds himself. The last thing he needs is to be caught smiling dumbly by Dustin, or, God forbid, an intern.

 

The only thing that sucks is that they live in opposite sides of the Earth. But Mark often reminds himself of Eduardo’s words when his ex girlfriend had confronted him about it, and tries not to make a big deal of it.

 

Except when it’s only two weeks until New Year, Eduardo calls him to inform he won’t be able to make it, because he’s got clients who don’t celebrate Christmas or New Year, they’re from a different religion and they’re stupidly rich and want to do business with Eduardo.

 

Then, he asks Mark to come over.

 

Mark can’t. He can’t. It’s a whole week, and Facebook doesn’t stop, ever, and the staff will be reduced for the holidays because Mark knows he can’t take it from his employees, it’s sacred holiday, so he needs to be here. He had been planning on working half-time, working from home, whatever. Mark tells so to Eduardo, ignoring the sense that he’s acting selfish, because he really believes it’d be much easier for Eduardo to postpone his business.

 

“So you’re saying I should delay my works and spend a whole week watching you doing yours?”

 

“I said I’ll work part-time.”

 

“Damn it, you don’t get it, do you?”

 

And part of Mark does get it, but part of him doesn’t. He clings to the last one, because it’s the one that can make Eduardo come.

 

“It’s an important holiday for the majority of the world. They’d understand.

 

Eduardo makes a noise of impatience,

 

“They may, but I’d feel bad about it. I’d rather do it as soon as possible”

 

“Because of your father”, Mark can’t help saying, not in mockery, more in distress.

 

He knew it’d have an… impact; Eduardo gets defensive when it comes to his father.

 

“What?”, Eduardo asks in disbelief, his voice unusually low. Mark gasps, can’t get any words out of his mouth, and Eduardo’s adding,

 

“Is that what you think of me?”

 

“I… I don’t believe you enjoy what you do. You’re an exceptional businessman, Wardo, but it doesn’t mean much to you, does it?”

 

“And since my job doesn’t mean much, I should be the one to drop it?”

 

“So you agree you don’t like what you do.”

 

“You know, Mark, do you recall that day I promised to tell you if there’s anything you could do to _help_ me? So, this is you being extremely unhelpful. This is you showing little to no respect for me, being manipulative and making me feel as if I have to quit everything to please you if I want to be with you!”

 

“Wardo, I…

 

“Bye, Mark.”

 

_Shit._

Mark’s left with a terrible sense of déjà-vu, and knows that the only difference between his current situation and the breakup with Erica is that Wardo’s not here, otherwise Mark would probably be staring stupidly at a slamming door instead of a phone.

 

Does it mean his life’s not evolved, not even a little bit?

 

Gosh, Mark had never intended to be harsh. He just really worried about Eduardo, he really believed his job didn’t make him happy, and ok, that was only part of the story. There was also the part where Mark was a little upset because he _wanted him here,_ but who could blame him?

 

Mark’s not stupid, he knows he’s not an easy person to deal with, he’s too straightforward for his own good and Wardo’s always known it. Back at college they were always arguing because of it, because Mark would say something cutting and Wardo’s a sensitive person and would be hurt. But he always forgave Mark, with no need for apologies, and Mark never knew if he had managed to convince Eduardo with his flawless logic, or if Wardo just eventually let it go. He wasn’t the kind of person to hold a grudge. Mark admired him for that.

 

And yes, Mark asked Eduardo to _tell_ him these things, because he wants their relationship to be honest, he doesn’t want Wardo keeping stuff to himself.

 

Now that Eduardo told him, Mark wonders how _on Earth_ things are going to work out if _that’s what Wardo thinks of him._

Why is he with Mark, if it makes him feel like this?

 

Great, his eyes _sting_ when he thinks it. And when he blinks, there’s wetness.

 

Mark can’t fall asleep this night.

 

Next day, he comes into his office earlier than ever. Everybody knows he’s not a morning person and Mark can see their glances from the corner of their eyes. Predictably, Dustin leans over his shoulder minutes after.

 

“Did you sleep?”

 

“A little”, Mark says, turning his laptop on.

 

“Is everything ok?”

 

Mark knows better than lying to his friends, so he tries,

 

“I’ve had a fight with Wardo.”

 

Which, in Mark’s vision, is an understatement. Eduardo hung the phone on his face and didn’t call back; Mark doesn’t even know if they’re still…

 

Not the eye stinging again.

 

But Dustin, God bless him, doesn’t mention it. He puts his hand on Mark’s shoulder,

 

“Wanna fill me in the details?”

 

Mark shrugs. He really doesn’t need to replay Eduardo’s words in his mind now.

 

“Right. Can I only say one thing? I know you think advices suck, but you have to agree I’ve known you and Wardo for ages, so, do I get a say on this? It’s no big deal, what I have to say.”

 

Dustin sounds so firm and sure, Mark can only nod.

 

“All I want to tell you, Mark, is that you knew it wouldn’t be easy. You knew you and Wardo have always had issues to be dealt with. All that happened kind of forced you two to face the issues, and it’s probably the first time you’re trying for good.”

 

Mark stares unblinkingly at Dustin, who suddenly shrugs,

 

“I would say the same to Eduardo.”

 

Then he leaves. But what he said makes so much sense that Mark’s left considering it for the rest of the day.

 

When Eduardo calls him at the end of the night, Mark quickly announces he’s booked a flight to Singapore for the next weekend. Eduardo’s clearly shocked, but Mark explains they should solve this in person, and Wardo agrees wholeheartedly. They hang up without discussing things any further.

 

To himself, Mark thinks: _if he wants to breakup, I’d rather he did it in my face._

 

By the end of the week, Mark’s a wreck of anxiety. The only part of his life unaffected is his work, at least the part that concerns coding. The rest, which involves social abilities, is a complete mess, along with his sleep and general health.

 

So Mark’s just glad when his plane finally lands after not sleeping for more than half an hour. He just wants it to be over.

 

But before it’s over, he’ll do _every damn thing he can._

 

Eduardo picks him at the airport. Mark can’t quite read him when he directs Mark a quick look before reaching for his baggage. They start walking off the airport and Eduardo has this air around him that leaves Mark confused, not knowing if he’s mad or just serious. His dark eyes look very alight, and Mark shivers.

 

Eduardo puts Mark’s baggage in the trunk and they get into the car. Then, Wardo sighs, lifting his hand to the wheel, while the other grabs Mark’s hand.

 

“Hey”, Wardo says, finally looking at him

 

“Hi”, Mark answers, not managing to keep the confusion from his voice.

 

Wardo squeezes his hand and starts the car. The tension hanging in the air decreases a little after that.

 

Once they step into the apartment, Eduardo drops Mark’s bags on the dinner table and throws himself on the couch. Mark follows him, but doesn’t take a seat. He talks better on his feet, and, if possible, hands shoved in his pockets.

 

Eduardo looks on the verge of saying something, and Mark’s dying to listen, but first of all he needs to get something out of his chest, something that’s eating him alive, so he rushes to say,

 

“I had no idea. I swear, Wardo, I had absolutely _no idea_ that I make you feel this way. I never intended to…The other day, about your job, I just worry that you’re unhappy with it”

 

Eduardo’s listening carefully, and when Mark’s finished he takes a moment to assimilate the words and nods, his face softened. Then, he quietly adds,

 

“I shouldn’t have thrown all the responsibility at you, though. My own self-doubts play a role on this, too.”

 

“Wardo, drop it. You did well on telling me, ok? I’m glad you did it. I shouldn’t have pressured you with your work. It’s your own decision, I should respect it, even when I… think otherwise.”

 

Eduardo raises an eyebrow,

 

“Can’t you express your disagreement in less aggressive ways? You’re the damn CEO of a worldwide company, Mark. I bet you can.”

 

Mark frowns,

 

“Facebook is easier, it’s not… personal.”

 

Then, Wardo’s gesturing for Mark to come sit by his side. Mark goes and Wardo turns to him, though Mark’s looking at the carpet.

 

“You worried and came here. I trust you, Mark.”

 

Mark looks up, staring with wide eyes at Eduardo.

 

This is the better gift Wardo could have given him. It makes him so relieved, he reaches for Wardo’s hand, intertwining their fingers and allowing a small smile to show on his face. Wardo watches him, his eyes full of _something_ that’s always been there, that always made Mark’s chest incredibly tight, but it’s getting more evident now, and Mark struggles to keep talking.

 

“Since you do, I feel obligated to confess that the idea of not seeing you contributed to me being…aggressive.”

 

Wardo chuckles, smiling fondly at him, which’s honestly confusing to Mark. Sometimes, Wardo seems nuts.

 

“I sort of figured it, Mark. You certainly have a strange way of telling things. Were you feeling neglected?”

 

Mark nods, not facing him.

 

“Christ, Mark. Just because I didn’t abandon everything to come here, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to see you!”

 

Abruptly, Wardo stops and looks at Mark with huge, alarmed eyes,

 

“Wait a minute… back at Palo Alto, that night you told me to stay or else…is that what it was all about?”

 

Mark rolls his eyes,

 

“Yeah, so glad it took you half a decade to connect the dots.”

 

Eduardo narrows his eyes,

 

“Don’t you dare implying that you were easy to read, Mark. You… come here”, Eduardo says, already pulling Mark to him. Mark goes though his body is rigid, until Wardo starts stroking his back.

 

“You do realize I wanted to stay, right?”

 

Mark nods against Eduardo’s shoulder. Then, Wardo’s raising a hand to his hair, while the other goes to Mark’s chin, turning his face. Eduardo places a kiss on his nose, and Mark’s snorts, because, really? He brings his hands to Eduardo’s neck, pulling him down for a proper kiss. A low moan almost immediately leaves Mark’s mouth, because it’s been long and he had been longing so much for this, but knew they would have to talk before, to sort themselves out (and trust Wardo to make it _long_ ), but it’s like the kiss tastes better now, like it’s more _them,_ and Mark loses the ability to digress when Wardo’s fingers start scratching his scalp. Mark melts into the kiss and Eduardo must feel it, because he makes this noise in the back of his throat, something urgent, and his hands bend Mark’s head to kiss him deeper, cupping Mark’s face.

 

Mark’s hands are slipping underneath Eduardo’s shirt, fingers tracing up to his chest, down to his sides and the small of his back. He feels Eduardo shivering, gasping between their mouths, and his hands go into the waistband of Wardo’s pants, unbuttoning.

 

 _Mark,_ Wardo’s calling, and Mark squeezes the bulge on the front of Wardo’s underwear, just a teasing touch, before whispering in his ear, _bed._

They stand and Mark’s dizzy. They make it up to Eduardo’s room, Mark right after him, but once Mark closes the door, before he turns back, he feels Eduardo’s body trapping him against the door.

 

Wardo places small kisses on his nape and Mark shivers. He intended to turn around, but there’s something so _arousing_ on the thought of not being able to see what Eduardo will do to him. Then, Wardo’s hands find their way under his hoodie, and Mark lifts his hands to help him take it off, along with his sweatshirt. Once they’re gone, Eduardo wraps his hands around him and it’s the first time he’s touching Mark’s naked skin and Mark sucks a huge amount of air in. Wardo fingers slip down to the small of his back, a light caress, and Mark’s breath becomes uneven.

 

Then, Eduardo’s hands reach the waistband of his pants, slowly pulling it down, and Wardo’s _kneeling_ behind him.

 

 _Wardo?_ Mark calls but it’s breathless, and Wardo’s answer is just a small, hoarse _hmm?_

 

Eduardo lowers Mark’s pants to his ankles. Then, his start tracing Mark’s legs, going up and up, and when they reach the back of his knees, Wardo _kisses_ there and Mark’s legs start trembling. Eduardo circles Mark’s legs with his hands and caresses them with his palms spread, taking his time when he reaches the insides of Mark’s thighs, and now Mark’s shamelessly moaning his name, pressing his forehead against the cold surface of the door, not actually believing how stupidly aroused he is, without even being touched _there_.

 

When Eduardo starts kissing behind his thighs, Mark can’t restrain himself anymore and starts rubbing his dick against the door.

 

_Mark,_

Eduardo abruptly stops and Mark can’t help the sound of protest he makes, and looks over his shoulder. Wardo’s eyes look a shade darker, intensely fixed on him.

 

“Wait. I’ll get there.”

 

His tone is firm but gentle, in a very Eduardo way. Mark’s eyes widen in shock. He makes a frustrated sound but stops, because _fuck, this is unexpectedly hot,_ and he hadn’t even realized he had lifted his arms over his head, in complete surrender. Wardo’s hands go up to his belly and down to Mark’s groin, caressing the whole area surrounding his erection without actually _touching it,_ and Mark swears under his breath.

 

Then, Eduardo’s hands get to Mark’s ass, fingers pressing into it, stroking, and Mark feels even hotter than before, his heart pounding in his chest, and suddenly, Wardo’s _parting his butt cheeks._

_Fuck,_ Mark groans, spreading his legs, but when Eduardo’s tongue starts licking him _there,_ his mouth falls open, not even close to conceive what it feels like. No one had ever done it to him and Mark never knew it would feel so _incredible,_ it’s like every single nerve in his body has come alight, to the point that he can’t even feel embarrassed. After taking his time to completely wet Mark, Wardo’s now fucking him with his tongue and it’s suddenly too much sensation. Mark’s jerking his hips, trying to get some friction, it’s involuntary. Eduardo probably takes pity on him, though, because he chuckles and stands, pressing his whole body against Mark’s, his hands coming up to hold Mark’s wrists above his head,

 

“I take it you liked it”, he says, mouth pressed against Mark’s shoulder, and Mark abruptly pulls from his grip and turns to him,

 

 _Shut up,_ Mark snarls, but his voice’s hoarse and it really doesn’t sound that harsh. He pulls Eduardo down for a long, breathless kiss, and feels Wardo’s hard on against his thigh. Mark pulls Eduardo’s pants down and shoves his hands inside his underwear, causing Wardo to groan low in his throat. Mark starts stroking him, slow and teasing, using pre-come as lube, and Wardo buries his head on Mark’s shoulder to muffle his sounds.

 

This time, Wardo’s the one to say, _bed,_ and Mark groans with the interruption, rushes to reach the bed first. Wardo’s leaning over him, lowering him to lie on his back. Their erections touch and Mark throws his head back, biting his lips; he’s painfully hard but doesn’t think there’s need to rush things; this ongoing agony is _delicious_ and Wardo probably agrees, otherwise he would have done something about it. Mark’s running his hands over Eduardo’s tan back, enjoying the feel of his solid weight. They’re slightly rubbing against each other, and Mark could lose himself doing just that, but then, Wardo’s reaching for something on the bedside table.

 

“No condoms”, Mark informs, and Eduardo looks at him with huge eyes, but Mark’s ahead of him,

 

“Yeah, I’m sure, now move”

 

Eduardo rolls his eyes and takes only the lube. He looks at Mark in silent question, though now it’s another one.  To make his point, Mark parts his legs further to let Wardo between them.

 

Wardo nods at him, seeming nervous, then nods again, probably reassuring himself.

 

It doesn’t hurt when he starts preparing Mark; he’s using a lot of lube, but it’s a discomfort. It feels so until Mark’s muscles start to loosen, and still Wardo keeps stretching him open, and says in his trembling voice,

 

“God, Mark, you’re burning”.

 

It’s nice, being filled like this, but Mark’s still not feeling anything special, so he turns on his side to give Wardo a better angle, and,

 

_There._

Mark’s toes curl and his body jerks. Eduardo twists his wrist, doing it again, and Mark tightens his lips to restrain the _needy_ sounds that were likely to come and fists the sheets.

 

Wardo’s smirking and Mark wants to kill him but he also wants to get fucked so he digs his fingernails into Wardo’s hips, urging him down, and if it also hurts, well, he’ll probably hurt Mark now, too.

 

Wardo’s very careful with him and usually it would get on Mark’s nerves, but right now, he’s glad, because it fucking hurts. Eduardo goes little by little and it still burns, his muscles protest, and Mark goes entirely rigid. Then, Wardo’s leaning over him, kissing his face, stroking his hair, giving Mark time to adjust.

 

When Mark finds it’s safe, he locks his ankles around Eduardo’s hips, urging him to move. Wardo starts slowly, and Mark can tell he’s probably restraining himself, because his breath sounds heavy, his lips tight.

 

Then, Wardo’s cock brushes that spot. Mark’s mouth falls open.

 

“Wa…Wardo, again.”

 

Eduardo thrusts his hips again, and again, hitting right there, and Mark’s hips move up along with his, trying to get him deeper, so Eduardo takes it as a sign and lets himself go, pounding into Mark. Wardo grabs his knees and bends Mark’s legs, and Mark’s not that flexible, but the angle’s perfect. Eduardo must also think so, he closes his eyes, biting his lips, head slightly thrown back, and Mark’s breath gets caught in his throat just from watching. His cock is trapped between his stomach and Wardo’s, and teher’s friction with every thrust of their hips..Mark’s arms went above his head, he’s also close, so he’s not ashamed to ask for the one thing that’s missing, _Wardo, will you… will you hold me down?_ And Wardo does, no hesitation, lifting his hands to pin Mark’s wrists down.

 

Mark comes first, feeling all his muscles tense, before completely relaxing. Wardo’s still moving above him, Mark feels his hard breath against his neck, and clenches his muscles around him. That must make it, and Wardo’s coming inside him, and Mark feels the hot wetness, it feels really, really good.

 

Wardo’s head’s resting against Mark’s chest. They’re both panting. Eduardo’s hair’s a mess and Mark’s proud for being the cause. He also liked it better without being all pulled back. He lifts his hands to stroke it, earning a contented sigh from Wardo. They keep like this for a while, until Wardo lifts his head from Mark’s chest, to look at him. His hair’s pointing everywhere, his cheeks are still flushed from the sex and he’s watching Mark through long eyelashes, still panting a little.

 

_God, he’s breathtaking._

Mark growls and pushes Wardo’s head back into his chest. If Wardo kept staring now, Mark would start babbling nonsense to cover the sudden warmth spreading through his chest. Not that he wants it to stay hidden. Eduardo deserves better, really. But for now, Mark thinks that caressing Wardo’s hair, and kissing his forehead afterwards, and letting Wardo cuddle him for the entire night, is the best way to make himself clear.

 

Not that doing those things is a big sacrifice, anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, hope you enjoyed it!  
> I'm still obsessed with those two, so I might write something else soon, maybe Eduardo takes Mark to vacation in Brazil!


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